What is love? Gary Chapman identified 5 ways we give and receive love known as love languages. He uses the analogy of filling your tank up with the right kind of fuel. For some of us its words of encouragement or affirmation, for others its gift giving. There are 5 different ways we give our love to others. The key is learning which languages are preferred so we can communicate in our loved ones love lauguages effectively.
The following blog is about the 5 love languages and relationships with those who have depression. If you stay to the end I share about a program I’m pretty excited to offer. If you find any value in my content, I’d be honored if you’d share it with someone you most care about.
#1: Being Able To Identify The Different Languages Is Key
So what are the 5 love languages?⠀
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They are ways we express our love to others and how we best receive love. ⠀
The Author of the 5 Love Languages, Gary Chapman, states most demonstrate their love how they wish to receive their love (i.e. physical touch, words of affirmation, quality time, gift giving, and acts of service).⠀
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My main languages are words of affirmation and quality time. Though lately I’ve been doing a lot of acts of service as well with my Move Happy Movement.
If you haven’t read his book yet, I encourage you to get a copy. When I worked with the military as a health educator, we had a booth set up for the spouses resources during deployment. Next to our booth was the Chaplain. He had probably 200 books on his table. I asked him about it because I had read it recently.
He said, “we give a book to the spouse and ship a book to the soldier. When they connect on the phone, we want them to have something positive to talk about to help build their relationship so the soldiers don’t have to talk about all the tragedy they’re seeing.”⠀
I thought to myself, what a beautiful way to communicate as a couple. The key to learning yours and their language is to read a bit about all of them. Some people aren’t sure their own language until they start reading the little exercises in each chapter. It’s a short simple but very impactful read.
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What are your main love languages?⠀
#2: Identification of The Problem Is Key
Living With A Spouse Who Has Depression?!⠀It can be challenging, but it is recommended to first:⠀
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1) Identify the problem, is it physical depression, situational or biochemical? ⠀
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Check out this article for more details. ⠀
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I highly recommend not telling your spouse they need therapy. This might be a no brainer to you, but it has been said before by countless couples during heated disagreements. Instead what’s most effective first is to listen to your spouse, let them say how they’re feeling or what’s going on in their perspective. Try not to jump to solution mode, they might prefer a listening sound board rather than a means to solving the issue.
#3: Knowing What To Do & Not Do Is Key
What Actions Lead To Happy Romance?!⠀What action or actions do you believe it takes to have a long lasting romantic relationship? Some argue with the 5 love language principles for long lasting happiness in relationships. ⠀
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Take for example this Psychology Today article. The author states in one empirical study that if the women in the study changed their behavior, the men were happier.⠀
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I’d like to look at the data myself. ⠀
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After all, some couples are same-sex, or poly.⠀
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And why would it only be one of the partners needing to change in order for both to be happier? ⠀
Imagine when you first met your spouse or significant other. Remember that feeling you had in your body when you saw them for the first time? Visualize that first date, where did you go? What were you wearing? What did you do? How did you treat one another? It was all so new and exciting. If both partners are giving love in their partner’s language of love, it can lead to those hot steamy feelings like when you first were dating.
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I’d love your thoughts 💭
#4: Know When To Seek Treatment Outside Of Your Relationship
How Can Move Happy® Help?⠀Do you have a partner or spouse that has depression? If so, I’d love to give a gift 🎁 to you both. ⠀
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Keep in mind this was originally intended for a group therapy setting in a psychiatric hospital. However, when we went over the weekly topic of building strong relationships, the patients thought I was referring about romantic relationships not friendships and dove pretty deep on the topic during group discussion. ⠀
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The entire program is geared towards moving you towards your own happiness with daily journal entries 4-days a week. We as a group did exercise after we journaled together. I’d encourage you to take a walk with your loved one and discuss your journal entries with one another.
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I’d love to give you and your partner a free digital copy of the Move Happy Participant Journal© . All that I ask is that if you find value in the journal and it helps your relationship in anyway that you’d share a screenshot on your social media, text your mom, or email a note about it to your grandparents. ⠀
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I’d love to get the word out about empowering people with depression specifically to move towards their own happiness and I cannot do it alone. ⠀
Thank you in advance. ⠀
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For a free digital download go here. ⠀
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It’ll prompt you to opt into my email sequence then the second email will include the download. ⠀
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#5: 🚨 For Severely Depressed Spouses Sometimes They Need You To Take Action On Their Behalf 🚨 ⠀
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Severely depressed partners and or spouses will rarely seek their own treatment. Believe me, I’m that partner. I was diagnosed with depression at 14. I have good days and bad days. I do my best to prevent the bad days of over powering me as much as possible through my morning routine including exercise and getting proper sleep. However, there are moments in life that you can’t always prepare for, like the loss of my father.
During that time of grief I was in survival mode. I was working full time, and worked 2 businesses outside of work to pay off debts and keep afloat. I wasn’t able to properly grieve as I’d had wished I could have. It finally caught up to me and my now ex-fiance’ had told me “maybe you need to see a therapist again. You’re always crying.”
He was right. I got into some brief therapy where I laid all my stress out. That time for reflection and validation from a person outside of my immediate circle was exactly what I needed. It wasn’t a permanent thing for me. It was just enough to help me through a tough time. I wouldn’t have gone though had it not been for my then fiancé. Even though we didn’t work out long term, I’m grateful he saw I needed some help beyond his listening ears.
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It is often up to their partner to encourage them to seek help if necessary. ⠀
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If its been more than a few weeks of depression, seek some treatment either together or for the benefit of them.⠀
Move Happy® Updates 🤸♀️ 🤸♀️ 🤸♀️
Move Happy® Business Workshops Will Be Available In Early 2020! I’m excited to be able to offer this to large and small businesses. The World Health Organization states that $1 trillion is lost every year in productivity from depression and anxiety. They also estimate 264 million people struggle with depression and anxiety. Businesses that show they care about their employees through wellness education and prevention trainings can overcome health expenses and increase productivity.
The WHO States “Workplaces that promote mental health and support people with mental disorders are more likely to reduce absenteeism, increase productivity and benefit from associated economic gains.”
Companies that participate in our workshop will:
Be able to identify risk factors of depression and anxiety ✅
Learn skills to support employees with depression and anxiety in compassionate ways that can lead to higher levels of productivity ✅
Create a tactical blueprint for your organization to build cohesion and reduce turnover ✅
If your business is interested in this offering, please email me with the subject “Move Happy Business Workshop.”
Move Happy Movement Podcast© Has over 360 downloads! It is available on iTunes now just search “Move Happy Movement.” It’s also on Podbean where I upload my episodes. I uploaded it to Spotify a few weeks ago but still waiting to get it available to you. If there are any other platforms you listen to podcasts and you want it on there, feel free to email me or DM me on any social media platform. I’d love to have 500 downloads before 2020.
Move Happy® World Tour 1.0 has its first international speaker! She’s Canadian but living in Ireland with her kiddos. She’s a business coach for high level CEOs and executives with over 3500 hours of coaching experience. She is giving portions of her offerings to help fund the rental of our venue. For more info on her, go here.
I have a few spots left for speakers and musical talent. If you’d like to be a part of this experience, please email me subject line either: “I’d like to speak on stage” or “I’d like to perform on stage.” Please provide a link to your experiences and what value you can add to an audience wanting to move towards their own happiness.
The event will be held next summer in Nashville, TN at the Ryman Auditorium. The date is TBD as I’m raising $12,000 to reserve the space for the evening. If you’d like to sponsor the event, please email me for booth info subject line “I’d like to sponsor Move Happy World Tour.” Donations are also welcome if you can’t make it in person but still want to be a part of the event.
So there you have it folks. Depression can be a challenging thing to work with. When handled delicately and intentionally, you can help transform an individual, a family, a company and community. It takes all of us to do our part to communicate in kindness and love towards one another. Knowing what our love language is key to communicating with others and letting them know how we prefer to receive our love. People can be well intentioned buying you gifts all day long. If you want encouragement, those gifts are a waste of time, money and don’t fill your love tank. It might not mean a person is ungrateful for a gift, it just might mean they really wanted you to hold their hand and listen instead of mow their lawn. What we do, say and feel matters. Communication is key and it starts first with awareness.
I really enjoyed this week’s topic and the engagement I received from you all on social media. If you aren’t yet connected with me, please do so! I’m on Instagram/Facebook @TheRealMoveHappy, Twitter @MoveHappyTeam, Snap @TheMoveHappy, TikTok @TheRealMoveHappy, and LinkedIn Erin Nicole. Send me a quick note telling me how you found me and I’d love to set up a digital coffee meeting if you’re not local!
PS: Don’t forget to tell someone you love them today
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