I’m about to be really authentic with you. It’s a really long blog because I have a lot to share on the topic of anger. I’m a really happy person now because I’ve been though enough stuff – like real hard stuff and I choose happiness every day.
The following blog is a series of stories from my life experiences, stats & facts about anger, and if you stay towards the end, I share about a program I’m really proud to let you know about.
I grew up in a two-parent family. Dad worked his ass off to provide for us. They both came from divorced families where their mom was the primary care giver. Mom and dad wanted to have something different for our family. So dad worked in sales. He actually sold my mom on getting the first date.
He walked into the credit union she was working at and asked to apply for a loan for a new vehicle. He saw she had Jesus tract cards on her desk (mom was a new Christian right around then, formerly Catholic) and my dad was hooked. Dad grew up in the church and had moved to California where he and my mom met. He promised her he’d take her out to dinner if his loan got approved. Well guess what? It did get approved and she agreed to go to dinner with him in his new car. Three or four months later they were married in 1976.
Two years later they had their first child, my oldest brother. Dad was getting really good at sales and wanted to move the family closer to where he grew up so Jason would know his cousins and so we could also (we weren’t born yet but they wanted a big family). They moved back to Tacoma, WA where dad grew up. Dad took a new sales job and was gone 5-6 days a week doing outside sales for multiple states. Dad was really good at his job. Mom didn’t have to work and that’s what dad wanted and what mom did too. They believed in raising kids with one parent consistently available (at least while we were younger).
I didn’t hear many stories of how the family dynamics were before I was born only bits and pieces. I think with any skill, parenting is learn as you go and learn from the advice you hear and decide to try out. I heard my brother was a handful but not exactly sure how good or bad it was being kind of like a single parent. Dad came home late on Saturday nights and church on Sunday. Then he’d leave Sunday night or early Monday morning. It wore down mom.
Kids need both parents present, or at least some communication between the two of them. The internet wasn’t a thing back then. We had an Apple 2 G S by the time I was born but when my brother was the only child, all they had was land lines, fax machines, and prayer. When my eldest bro turned 5 they had another boy, my middle brother. He’s a famous musician his half a million+ fans call JRice.
I don’t remember too many stories of the family dynamics before I was born. I know we had a lot of boys in the neighborhood growing up and it was a predominantly multi-cultural neighborhood. Other than that, I don’t recall how the family operated and if it was mostly positive or negative. It just wasn’t spoken about and I didn’t really ask. We’ll get my mom on the podcast soon and she can tell her perspective and my bothers as well.
When my middle bro was two and a half, I was born. Mom always wanted a girl. I’m glad they didn’t quit after two boys 😂. At this point, dad was still gone 5-6 days a week working in the grocery sales industry. He’d come home late on a Saturday night usually and plug his truck into the house to keep the food cold. We’d get to eat one of his spoils (cookies and burritos mostly). It was a nice treat because money was pretty tight at this point and sometimes we didn’t have food other than Hamburger Helper and dried power milk.
I remember a lot of arguments in the house around money and disagreements between my oldest bro and my dad. Dad was a very driven person and had an obsession about working. My eldest bro was very laid back and didn’t really have a care in the world. Their opposite perspectives got the best of them at times and loud lectures were the norm. Dad also liked to spend money too and who could blame him? He brought all the income into the household. It was also a control thing too though. How could mom work with three kids in the house and no internet? I know some families did it back then but it was a choice that she made and dad made together.
So by the time I was old enough and heard enough arguments around money, I knew my role was to bring everyone together peacefully. I didn’t like the fighting. I didn’t like feeling like I was the cause of the money problems because I was the 5th member of the family. So I asked dad how I can start making money when I was maybe 7 or 8.
Dad listened a lot to Jim Rohn tapes back then and Zig Ziglar. Dad sold tickets to Jim Rohn’s events in California right around the time he met my mom and got to listen in the back of his trainings. Dad had such a strong belief in the power of your thoughts and goal setting. He didn’t talk much about Jim Rohn until we joined in business together in 2015. But his lessons that Jim taught him were handed down to me.
When I was 9 I really wanted a pet. We had a cat and a dog but I wanted my own pet. I asked dad if I could have a small pet to take care of. He thought it would be good for me to learn business and how to make money since I had been asking about earning money the year before.
He said to me, “Erin if you can make money having a pet, is that something you’d be interested in?”
I said to him, “I can make money and have a pet? I’m only 9. That’s so cool. I want to make money!”
Dad would always say things like “you found a penny, you’re rich,” and things like that.
Dad wanted us to associate having money with happiness. He also taught us to give back first with our money and then God would bless us even more.
I learned to tithe 10 percent of what I earned as a kid and have kept tithing of my time, earnings and more because it feels good and I know that money is just money. If I can make the world a better place by adding more value, I’m keeping my dad’s legacy alive as well as making myself proud.
My first business was a mouse business. I made $.35 for each mouse baby I sold back to the pet store and if I wanted to buy mouse food or bedding I got $.50 store credit instead. I learned quickly that I could make more money by buying back from the store that I sold to but that wouldn’t make my bank account grow. Mom and dad started a savings account for us and wanted us to learn how to save. I was working towards earning enough to put into my savings account for my future.
My second job simultaneously, was a paper route and phone book route. As money was kind of tight in the house, mom created ways to help us earn money as a family and also spend time together. This was dad’s idea too but mom was the one that actually implemented it with us. It was genius because once I learned how to earn money, I never wanted to ask them for anything. It made me so proud that I paid for things like my school clothes, my flute ($435), and more. I put a downpayment for my flute from the pawnshop using the money I made selling my old stuff at a garage sale. I was 9 years old. By the time I got into public school (2 years later) I had paid off my flute. I learned the value of money at such a young age and also learned that my parents are there for love, support, encouragement. They are not a bank to withdraw unlimited amounts of money from.
I can’t say we were all parented the same. Like I said earlier, parenting is a skill and with anything, you learn through experiences. I wouldn’t say I’m better than my siblings because that just isn’t true. We all have our own values we bring. I would say I’ve learned and obsessed about working because of my birth order and my desire and gifts to bring peace and empower people. My middle brother is an amazing father and knows how to be spontaneous and shut off the work mode. He’s also made a career being an online entrepreneur musician and video producer. My eldest brother took a lot of the skills of outdoor living and camping and fishing that were huge passions of dad and has instilled those passions in my nephews. He also has taken the skills of cooking from mom and taken it to new levels adding spices and really making eating fun whenever I visit 😂. I chose to focus on the business side of things so not the greatest cook but I’m okay with that.
As a child and growing into adolescence I had a lot of moments when I was very angry and mean to my mom. Looking back, I needed my dad around more and mom was an easy target. I didn’t understand why the anger and frustration was so easy to spew out. I would have random outbursts of yelling and get sent to my room a lot. My dad talked to me at the dinner table one day and said, “Erin don’t talk to your mother that way.” I remember telling him, “why not? You do it.”
Kids are watching what you do and how you treat your spouse. Behaviors are mostly learned, modeled and repeated until someone in your family lineage decides that this family curse stops with me.
The background of that comment comes from a lot of conversations that dad didn’t want to have and the timing was never right. Dad worked his ass off. He also smoked cigarettes for many years to de-stress from the pressure of sales. He didn’t tell mom he smoked for the first few years of their marriage. It bothered her a lot that he smoked because she was an opera singer and didn’t like the smell nor the negative health effects, and the fact that it was a secret. So he would try and quit and its a very addictive drug. He was gone most of the week so he decided to smoke when he would be gone and come home and not smoke the entire weekend he was home.
Guess what happens when you detox from a drug?
A lot of irritability, snapping at people you care about, and often times irrational outbursts and yelling.
Dad had a temper and I don’t think he ever laid his hands on mom but I do remember a lot of physical disagreements with him and my oldest brother Jason.
When I was 5, I drew a picture of mom and dad and handed it to them saying, “I don’t want you to get a divorce.” I could feel the energy in the house and was scared. Kids need stability and they need to feel safe. The amount of yelling in the household was enough for me to realize that things weren’t healthy at 5 years old. By the time we got to me being 9, josh about 11-12 and Jason was 16 in high school, that’s when the family business of paper routing and lots of church time was more prevalent. I don’t recall them going to counseling as a couple but I think they went one or two times to see the church family pastor.
I remember mom saying the pastor told her everything was her fault and she didn’t really want to go back, understandably so. Dad didn’t really talk about it and I don’t remember asking specifically. Mental health wasn’t really talked about in our family.
Things seemed to get better when we had the stability of the paper route, our own time with mom, earning money and each contributing to the family by giving to our community and spending from our earnings.
We were doing the paper route for two years and by that time (I was 11), I remember a moment when dad pulled me aside one day and asked me, “Erin how would you feel if dad came home every day after work?” I think mom and dad had a heart to heart and it was either the job or the family. I was so excited to have my dad home every day. I loved my dad so much. I remember giving him the biggest hug 🤗 and knew that things were going to be so much better at home.
I needed my daddy but I understood that he had to work to provide for us. I just didn’t know there was any other way than what he was doing. He started working for a new company in sales for a few months (Frito Lay). He didn’t like the commission or the culture so he only stayed a few months and one of his friends at church, Doug Lawrence, helped him interview at his work, Oroweat (Now owned by Bimbo Bakeries in Mexico). Dad got the job and a few months into the job was the worst things that could happen.
Dad was feeling kind of sick one day and went and had x-rays done. His doctor didn’t like what he saw around the kidney area and decided to do further testing. They found out he had kidney cancer. Back then the treatment was: use 99% alcohol in a long needle and kill the kidney. It is an extremely painful procedure because a part of your body is literally dying inside of you. Once it was completely dead, they were to have surgery to remove it. The other kidney would double in size and take over providing filtering for the blood/urine in the body and dad hopefully would survive. I was 11 years old and in my first year of public school (mom home schooled us up to that point because the school district wasn’t the greatest but it was where they could afford to live).
Dad never complained once. He was in a lot of pain and I was scared he was going to die. He lost about 100 pounds in a few months because he couldn’t really eat. His work created an account for the team to donate money to us to cover the mortgage and doctor appointments. Dad had obsessed about this new job and came in on his off days because he knew the pay structure was 100% buy-back commission prior to getting diagnosed.
Buy back commission means if he put too much bread on the shelves of the grocery stores and customers didn’t buy the bread, he’d lose out on the commission the following week. So dad had to learn prediction of sales and was the most honest salesman I ever met. His company didn’t have to provide him with a bank account of donations from his colleagues, but I believe because my dad went above and beyond when he first started working there, they knew once he got better he would be there for life. And sure enough, he worked there for 19 years and would have retired the following March but he passed away in October 3 years ago when the kidney cancer reseeded itself on the other side and spread to his lungs and brain.
If I could give one piece of advice from my experience with anger to you. If you have a family or you’re planning on having a family, make sure you communicate with your children and your spouse often. If you’re away for work often, you can make it work. Cell phones are a huge help these days and video calls. Nothing though beats the power and energy of a present parent. Make sure this job you’re gone all the time for is worth it to your end goal.
You can never get your missed time back. No amount of money is worth missed experiences with the ones you love. Focus on a career you enjoy, that pays well, and provides you the time freedom to have a family if that’s your goal in life. My father loved us but didn’t know how to provide and also be present.
My goal is to educate you how to have an enjoyable life, build community and use the gifts you’ve been blessed with to make our world a better place. I’m bringing you more stories throughout as well as what science tells us about anger. Stay to the end for a program I’m proud to share with all you group facilitators.
Wonder #1 of Anger: How To Be Angry & Safe⠀⠀
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This is a great article I want you to read from the Magazine Real Simple. It breaks down different anger styles and where they come from. It also breaks down personality style and what might happen if you don’t deal with that particular style of anger orientation. It is a must read.
I’d love to hear your comments and thoughts on what your style is or the people you spend your time around and how you plan to use the information to be safe and still feel like you can freely let your emotions out.
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Wonder #2 of Anger: How To Avoid Self-Abuse⠀⠀
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How to reduce that self-abusive language or physical acts? Some of us internalize our stress and either do self-harm or have negative self-talk.⠀⠀
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The first step is to become aware of what you’re doing, saying or acting. Step away from the negativity and do something positive for yourself like:⠀⠀
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✅ Reframing a phrase from negative to positive like: “No I’m not stupid, I’m smart, intelligent 🤓, hard working and ready to take on the 🌍 ⠀⠀
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I would love your ideas below on reframing negative situations/comments into positive ones.
Wonder #3 of Anger: How To Avoid Being An Anger Avoider?⠀⠀
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Those are the type of people that don’t know how to express their anger and they’ll change roles/form into other types of examples. The lack of predictability in someone who’s upset can be nerve racking. Imagine having a bigger older sibling with random anger or different forms of anger that they couldn’t even explain to you. Imagine a boss that would act a certain way one day and then be irritated at something and be totally different and inconsistent the next. Talk about STRESSFUL!⠀⠀
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Renee Mill has a great article about it here.⠀I can identify with the therapist style 😂. I’m working on expressing my emotions in healthy ways in the moment so things don’t fester outwardly or inwardly. Its not an easy task to do but mediation helps a lot.⠀
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I’d love for you to share your style or if you tend to transform your style. Comment below!⠀⠀
Wonder #4 of Anger: Why Angry Sarcasm Should Be Used Sparingly ⠀⠀
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How to avoid being an angry sarcastic person by Dr. Lazarus In Psychology Today. The origin of the word sarcasm derives from the Greek word “sarkazein” which literally means “to tear or strip the flesh off.” Though some may argue that sarcasm is all for fun, make sure you read this article and double check yourself.
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I’d love for you to share your comments, thoughts, opinions on sarcasm below ⬇️ ⠀⠀
Wonder #5 of Anger: My Move Happy Facilitator Program Teaches On Anger and Frustration⠀⠀
It’s a 16-week Program 4 days a week combining:⠀⠀
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✅ 📓 Journaling⠀⠀
✅ Group Discussion⠀⠀
✅ Workouts 💪 With Minimal Equipment⠀⠀(with 60+ workout demo videos included)
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✅ Includes questionnaires for both psychological and fitness that I designed ⠀⠀
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Originally was for my patients in a live-in psychiatric hospital⠀⠀
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We specifically went over ways to cope when anger is present often, within the program.⠀⠀
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✅ Each week has different topics to journal about & workouts to move your patients/students/athletes towards their own happiness⠀⠀
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I’m so excited to share it with you!⠀⠀
For the next ✌️ that order my MHFP, Email Me your contact info and copy of your receipt and I’m sending you some Move Happy® Swag and surprises 🎁 to you!⠀Include in the subject heading “ANGER BLOG BONUS”
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To order go to here. ⠀
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With any Move Happy® purchase:
💜 30% of your purchase Goes back to a mental health organization of your choice
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💜 10% of your purchase goes to Big Brothers and Big Sisters chapter in your local area.⠀
If you prefer to donate instead, please send me an email with a receipt of you donating to either of these two causes and I’ll send you a free digital copy of the Move Happy Participant Journal© (original from when I facilitated the program in the psychiatric hospital).
My mission is to empower people worldwide to move away from depressed states towards their own happiness through mindset, community and fitness. Won’t you please join me in this journey?
Announcements of Move Happy® Happenings
If you haven’t heard yet, The Move Happy Movement Podcast is in full swing! I’m releasing episode 7 tomorrow! I release every week and I right now the movement has a total of 103 downloads and 4 followers. It’s a process to grow listeners. I’m working on getting it added on iTunes but working a full-time job and running 2 businesses by yourself isn’t easy. I’m also moving soon so there’s that. I know excuses make no friends 😆. Just keeping you guys informed! If you haven’t checked it out yet, make sure to listen and if you love it, gimme a follow and a share here. Also, if you follow me then it’ll notify you when I release new episodes 😊
Next week I am interviewing the former CEO of CMT as in Country Music Television. I am so excited to bring you guys this value! It’s unreal how many people are attracted to my mission and believe in what I’m doing. I am so blessed to share his leadership expertise with you. If you read this before Tuesday and have a specific question you want asked, send it into me by Monday midnight here.
I am always looking to bring more value to you. If there is a certain leader, celebrity, athlete or other person you feel would be an amazing fit on my podcast, feel free to reach out to me. If you have a direct connection and want to do a 3-way email introduction I’d be honored as well. Keep in mind my episodes are released 1x/week right now and I am fully booked out until January 2020. I am planning on speeding up the podcast release time frame when the time is right but that requires a few things first. I appreciate any and all support in advance.
I am looking to partner with 2 sales representatives. If you have experience selling in mental health or curriculum space and you’re looking for some side income, email me. At this time I am offering a very high commission because I’m focused on spreading my brand and making an impact. If you feel you’d be a good fit and have good connections in the USA and internationally, email me a copy of your resume and a short 1-2 paragraph summary of why you feel you’d be the best candidate to work with me. Also include what you’d like most out of representing my company and I’ll see what I can do to make sure you’re happy and I’m happy (win-win is always my goal). 18 years and up please at this time.
We will be the launch of The Move Happy® World Tour soon. We’re starting it in the USA and from there we’ll create a method for expanding it globally. The world tour will include music, public speaking and life changing experiences. I want you to come to my event completely transformed and know exactly what you need to do to live the happiest life ever. I’ve got musicians and public speakers already lined up and working on the funding portion. People are reaching out to me that want to partner already. It is such an exciting time! Anyone, any age, any religion, any race, any sexual orientation will be welcome to this event. Anyone that deals with depression or has a friend or family member that deals with it. I want you at my event. Further details will be shared as it gets closer to the event!
The next few months are going to be a little cray 😜 as I’ll be moving into my first purchased home yay 😁. I have blocked out time for videoing in July and August and it only takes a couple of hours. I’ve created a very efficient marketing strategy to get you the info and also provide me time leverage. However, I might not be able to respond to DMs on my Insta/FB/LinkedIn/Snap/Twitter as quickly as I usually respond. This doesn’t mean I don’t 💕 you! I am just working a lot and figuring out how to make this the smoothest transition possible in the timeframe that makes sense. If you have an emergency and need to talk to someone stat about mental health, make sure you either call 911 or reach out to your local mental health provider, or if its like real serious the suicide helpline.
I love you all!
Remember, it’s okay to be and feel angry. It’s perfectly normal to have moments where you’re angry and not enjoying your current situation. What’s not okay is laying your hands on someone else and hurting them. What’s not okay is spitting words that cut someone else down because you’re upset, then making excuses later for ‘why you chose to act that way.’ Taking responsibility for our actions is one of the most mature things we can do.
None of us are perfect. I still deal with my anger issues because it was something within me that I experienced at a very young age. However, I don’t allow the excuse of ‘that’s how I was raised’ to be a reason for being an angry and mean adult. If someone is treating me a way I don’t like nowadays, I speak my truth to them. I use a lot of ‘I feel’ statements. When ‘I’ is used instead of ‘You’ it takes a lot of the emotion away from a possible disagreement. It doesn’t always work in the heat of the moment, but I’ll tell you this, a lot more people have changed their behavior in positive ways around me because of the fact that I spoke my truth.
I have a really blessed life. I am still amazed at the people that are walking into my life and helping me grow my brand, sharing my mission, helping get really powerful people onto my podcast, and cheering me on. I wake up everyday inspired, and hopeful for the future of our world. I can’t say that was the case just a few short years ago. Your life can change in a moment. I choose to focus on the good and focus on making more good possible for this world.
Won’t you join me?
PS: Don’t forget to tell someone you love them today
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