Have you lost a child recently or feel like you cannot let go of the painful memories? Perhaps you work or live with someone that has lost a child and you’re not quite sure how to understand life through their lenses? If so, this blog is for you. We dive deep into what science tells us, I share some personal and professional experiences and if you stay to the end you’ll hear about a Journal I designed that I’m proud to share with you. I love it when you interact and share on your social media when parts of the blog light up positive memories or thoughtful reflection. My desire is to always empower you to move towards your own happiness. With that in mind, I do include fun GIPHYs to keep the mood light throughout the blog. If this topic is too recent for you, perhaps have another reader go over the Cliffs notes version for you to save you from experiencing PTSD.
#1 Truth: 💃🏽 🏃♀️ 🤸♀️ 🧘♀️ 🙏 👶 Know what it looks like to be a parent who lost her child/infant and is now Depressed or experiencing depressive warning signs.
⠀
This article written by Joshua Krisch says it all. He writes about the differences between depression and deep sadness. He talks about the fact that some parents had depression prior to the loss of their child and that still remains. Very few he mentioned in the studies he included develop depression post the loss of their child. Specifically the study included 2,512 bereaved parents and of those only 13 percent suffered depression after the loss of a child. 11 percent had initially suffered depression but had improved, 7 percent had depression prior to the loss and the remaining 68 percent found little to no evidence of depression. Joshua dives deeper into the article with examples from other doctors and medical professionals.
I’d love to hear your thoughts, comments and advice to parents who have lost a child (if you’ve experienced it yourself or someone close to you has). Please tweet us your thoughts @MoveHappyTeam or tag us on your Instagram @TheRealMoveHappy and we’ll share the most relevant comments that provide insight and hope for other parents.
⠀
#2 Truth: 💃🏽 🏃♀️ 🤸♀️ 🧘♀️ 🙏 👶 Know what some signs and symptoms of being a parent who lost their child/infant & is exhibiting depression might look like.
⠀
The first 5 years are highest risk for parental self-harm according to this empirical study by NCBI. It does manifest similarly to depression for other kinds of situations, loss of interest in things once enjoyed, canceling plans with friends and staying anti-social, irritability, moodiness, exhaustion, etc. ⠀
⠀⠀
I’ve never had children of my own, however being a stepmom and going through a divorce was extremely painful losing out on 3 relationships instead of just ☝️by ending the marriage. I had to do what was best for my mental health as well as what was best for my then partner.⠀
⠀
We both had made some commitments to each other and unfortunately none of them were kept on his side because of his alcohol problem and inability to hold onto his values. I think a lot of it had to do with him being adopted and wanting to please everyone because he didn’t know his own identity.⠀
⠀
I wasn’t prepared to lose out on my stepdaughter’s relationship when I put 6 years into building it with them. His eldest daughter didn’t want anything to do with me and made sure that I was aware. I let her know that I loved her regardless of how she was feeling in the moment and she was welcome to reach out to me anytime.⠀
⠀
His youngest daughter and I usually had a tough time communicating during the 6 years we were a family. ⠀
However during the divorce she was the one that said something kind to me, “sometimes relationships just don’t work out, no big deal.”⠀Though they are alive and well, it felt like they died because I no longer had any communication with them. 😭 ⠀
⠀
As for possible solutions for parents grieving, I’d love to hear from parents that have lost their children. Please tweet us @MoveHappyTeam what you’ve done or what advice you’ve received to help you move towards joy again. We’ll retweet responses that are wholesome for our audience of all ages and that provide practical strategies of hope for other parents grieving.
⠀
#3 Truth: 💃🏽 🏃♀️ 🤸♀️ 🧘♀️ 🙏 👶 Know what the global prevalence of parents who lost their child/infant with Depression in the world looks like. ⠀
⠀
According to the World Health Organization, in 2018 an estimated 6.2 million children died globally under the age of 16yrs old. They say estimated because in some countries the parents do not name the children or claim them until they are 5 years old because that’s the highest risk time period for children’s deaths. ⠀
⠀
Imagine the excitement of the birth process and the growth period in mommy’s tummy. Then the fact that over half of the deaths occur globally in children under the age of 5. So Sad! A lot of the deaths are preventable with tools in countries like the USA and Canada. If we work together as a global community we can help decrease these deaths and help potentially decrease the power depression has over parents. ⠀
⠀
Personally, I met this beautiful young college student, Shravya, on my flight over to Tennessee 2 summers ago. She was in my row and on her way to presenting at a conference. She is a part of a team that helped develop digestive bags for low cost in areas that MOST need it. She was super humble and kept saying the team developed it and she was a part. I kindly reminded her that the team wasn’t invited to present at the conference. Her professor asked her to go because they see something in her that she might not yet see in herself.
I have goosebumps thinking about our in flight chat. So much has changed for both of us since that flight. I’m proud I got a chance to chat with Shravya about her schooling experience and we’re both from Washington State. I’m so glad I was open to chatting with her and initiated the conversation. 5 years ago I would have been so nervous I wouldn’t have even initiated conversations with her. I would have kept to myself incase I said the wrong thing. A little structure from a direct sales company provided me the tools to open up in real life to people and now I’m writing about her great humanitarian work because of it on my business blog. I’m grateful I walked myself out of anxieties because I knew I wanted to be better. You can do the same thing too!
⠀
After reading this week’s content, I have SO much more appreciation for her. Make sure to connect with Shravya here.
⠀⠀
Share 1 thing you learned from the article on your Facebook and tag us @TheRealMoveHappy and how YOU’RE going to apply it to help empower yourself towards happiness ⬇️❤️😊⠀⠀
#4 Truth: 💃🏽 🏃♀️ 🤸♀️ 🧘♀️ 🙏 👶 Know what causes depression in parents who lost their child/infant.⠀
⠀
Causes of any condition can vary. Specifically for parents that have lost their children, some experience depression as a part of their genetic predisposition prior to the loss of their child. Many suffer situational depression and progress through it the years following the loss.⠀
⠀
It is a very sad situation and one that requires our compassion and kindness. Since most parents won’t want to discuss the loss of their child openly it’s important to think first about questions such as “how many children do you have?” or “how old was your child when they died?” Allow the parent to reach out to you with information and ask permission to discuss the topic if they bring it up first. They might not be sure what they feel comfortable sharing. ⠀
⠀
My co-worker at the psych hospital 🏥 had lost many babies in their attempt to get pregnant. She quickly learned it’s not good to share the good news until they reached the end of the 1st trimester. She talked to me in the hall a few times between group sessions. Tuesdays were the shopping day for patients that had earned points for participating in their active treatment groups. We’d each stand in line during our group time and had a few minutes to chat while patients were receiving their goodie bags.
⠀
She told me how stressful it was to even try to get pregnant and about $10,000 each time they wanted to attempt it (her medical didn’t cover it). There was no guarantee of the pregnancy and she felt at a loss for not being able to have an outlet. She didn’t feel safe opening up about it until she was past the first trimester after a few losses of their little ones. She named them and felt emotionally attached to them.⠀
She has 2 little ones now and is joyful but it still didn’t replace the loss of their siblings. “Only parents that have lost little ones would understand,” she said. I have never had birth children so I tried to empathize. I could relate to the feeling of the loss of my marriage and losing out on the relationship I had built with my step daughters. That was a pain that no one prepared me for. I pray for them everyday and I miss them.⠀
⠀
One thing that helped me and my colleague also mentioned this is to talk about it. Find a friend or therapist and talk about the pain, don’t stuff it. My friend Niki helped me a lot through the divorce process as well as talking about the extra unplanned losses of going to cheerleading events or school concerts. Another thing that helped me was volunteering with the Big Brothers and Big Sisters. My little sis Jhoana and I met weekly for the first year and had fun adventures together. Even though I moved across the country, I’m connected with her mom via cell phone and they reach out and send me snaps @TheMoveHappy of silly videos saying hello ❤️.
Jhoana and her family helped bring more healing to me than any conversation with a therapist could in my opinion because love is more powerful than reliving loss. The joy and excitement of looking forward to something with Jhoana kept me going on my toughest days processing the divorce. The following year my father died and having the responsibility and accountability of my little sis gave me healthy ways to spend my free time outside of work at the psychiatric hospital. Once this pandemic is over, I highly recommend adults looking to volunteer somewhere check your local chapter of Big Brothers and Big Sisters (especially men because they’re always short on male volunteers and once a child turns 18, if they don’t get paired with a big brother, they’ll find a mentor in society that might not be the best kind of mentor).⠀
⠀
I’d love for you to share ways you’ve dealt with loss that could help others. Tag us on LinkedIn and we’ll share the best responses in alignment with Mindset, Community and Fitness.
Move Happy Updates:
The Move Happy Movement Podcast© is in full swing! Together we are bringing awareness to mental health, providing practical strategies to empower those with depressed states to move towards their own happiness and inspiring the joy of movement! Tomorrow I’ll be releasing episode 51 with Charlotte Maslen. She and I met on a women’s Facebook Entrepreneur Group. She is the creator of 5 Apps on the App Store and specializes in ihypnobirth. Her warm presence on the show gave me hope if I ever am blessed to have children. She comes to us from the UK. The episode will be released tomorrow by 6p EST. Once its out, go to iTunes and give her a thank you in the reviews and any specific questions or comments so she knows we want her to come back for a 2.0 version!
Follow the Move Happy Movement Podcast wherever you listen (iTunes and Spotify) and Tweet us @MoveHappyTeam if you’d like it on a different platform. The last few weeks my computer has not been converting files which Spotify requires (#TechSupportNeeded). With that in mind, listen to current episodes on iTunes or straight from the distribution website here.
Once we have 10,000 listeners we’ll be offering a sweet giveaway! A private concert by me and my cool singer 🎶 friends! (Check my TikTok @TheRealMoveHappy for examples of my genre preference). You must be one of the monthly listeners to qualify and be active in commenting/liking/sharing/tweeting Move Happy®️ content on any and all social media platforms (and leaving iTunes reviews 😉😉😉). The more platforms you follow us, the easier it will be for us to remember your name when deciding on random giveaways 😘. We’ll keep things updated from the distribution website below ⬇️⬇️⬇️
The World Health Organization estimates that $1 trillion dollars is lost annually due to lack of productivity from employees specifically diagnosed with depression and anxiety and not receiving adequate resources from their workplace. I designed a solution to help decrease this statistic. “Work Happy: The Practical Tools For Effective and Inclusive Workplaces©” is in beta.
Employees will benefit from this because the workshop is designed with you as the main focus in a positive manner. Employers will benefit from this because people that are cared for work harder and take less sick days, thus increasing your bottom line 💰. The workshop includes a follow up refresher (2 days total). It starts at $1,997 for online training for a company of 5 people. Have more employees? We can discuss pricing. Next 2 businesses/EAPs to sign up get prioritized scheduling. Email me “Work Happy Workshop Interest” here to set up your Work Happy Analysis©️.
If you need services from Move Happy that can be provided by my team, that will be first priority. If you absolutely need to chat with me personally, I only have time for 2 for VIP clients. Specifically, you look like a mental health practitioner/employer wanting specialized training in resilience/positive psychology. If that be the case for you, pay my $5,000/mo retainer rate here and email me your time zone and 3 days/times that work best with your schedule: subject line “MOVE HAPPY VIP CLIENT SCHEDULE REQUEST” to prioritize your email to the top.
#5 Truth: 💃🏽 🏃♀️ 🤸♀️ 🧘♀️ 🙏 👶 How Move Happy®️ can help parents who lost their child/infant with depression. ⠀
⠀
I’m not sure if Move Happy can help right now, but if you want to download the Move Happy Participant Journal© I designed for my patients in one of the most sensitive populations in the world (a locked psychiatric 🏥) go ahead in the link here. It will connect to the email list geared towards mental health practitioners or you can purchase the 📓option via digital download here (and 40% is donated to charities of YOUR choice in mental health and YOUR local chapter of Big Brothers and Big Sisters). One download per person.
⠀
Since my group was for adults of all backgrounds in a long-term stay (180days-30+years) some may have lost a child, but I never specifically asked them. I recommend downloading the free version as I will be expanding new content and programs next year to Youth and Family that could be of value to you.
⠀
The way the journal works best is 4 days a week (like Monday-Thursday). Feel free to try it as a couple if you’ve recently lost your child and need to get your mind on some positive thoughts. After journaling for a few minutes, discuss your responses with each other. After that, go for a walk or find an enjoyable workout that you can do together. The total time should fit within 1 hour time block unless you want to incorporate longer discussions and/or longer workouts. If exercise is new for you or its been a while, I encourage you to begin with low impact exercises like walking and listen to your body. Consult a doctor prior to exercise to make sure you are safe to proceed. Most of my patients were obese and sedentary so we started with a lot of walking and incorporated muscle fitness and flexibility into each workout gently. My patients selected their level of intensity daily for each workout. When you have more choice in your intensity, it makes you want to continue doing it while preventing injuries from the start 😉. If you’d like the full program that I designed including 60+ workout demo videos order it here. Prices for the program will increase May 1st.
Whether you choose the free option or paid option for the journal (or full program) I hope it adds value to you and your family. I never was going to turn anything into a business. When patients participating in the group started spreading it to patients in other halls, it made me think I could help more people than the 17 max that we could have in our room (Fire Marshall Rules). I kept getting requests for copies of the journal from patients that couldn’t get in my Move Happy group. We had a waitlist for those wanting to be in our group and wanted to help spread the positivity to the entire hospital. I had 2 patients walk up to me during our summer carnival time outside. I never saw these patients before in my life. I knew every patient in my hall because I worked on holidays on the wards and made sure to learn all their names. These patients were in another hall.
They said, “hey aren’t you the Move Happy girl?” “Yes” I replied, “How’d you hear about it?” “Oh we heard from __________ how much fun they were having and that you let them go outside at least once a week. We wish we could move to your hall so we could be in your group. Do you know how we can move to your hall?” These particular patients were mid 20s. I had patients in the group mid 20s-80s. One of my patients in mid 50s was a Retired Marine. He was in the group round 1 and round 3 and got to see the progression of the program. He told me, “Erin I will be seeing you on TV and you Will be sharing it with others. Do you have any questions?”
Memories of testimonials from my patients keep me going everyday, though more recent uses of my curricula is preferred. If you’ve downloaded the journal for free or for purchase, tag me in your social media and let me know how it’s helped you, your profession, or your family. I’m a great teacher and facilitator. I’m new to business and haven’t received 1 testimonial yet. I’ve been sharing the story of Move Happy since I left the hospital in 2017 here and there. In 2018 I got serious and created my Instagram Business channel @TheRealMoveHappy sharing 1x/day Monday-Friday. I’m not sure if I should keep going or not these days. I’ve poured my time, my heart and my financial resources to share the stories from my brief experience at the hospital with you in my weekly blog, my weekly podcast and my daily micro content on all social media. I’m patient with the growth of my brand and I’m also paying attention to the hours I’ve spent and the return from my investments. I will be shutting down some of my work so I can minimize business expenses here very soon. If you’re wanting me to keep this blog, you’ll need to share with me that I’ve added value to you on your social media and tag me in your posts. Otherwise, silence from you tells me I’m not adding value and after 3 years of giving, I’ve got little reserve in my tanks.
So there you have it folks. Parents that have lost their children are dealing with the greatest pain anyone could endure. They are not alone though as 6.2 million children die annually. If parents feel safe talking about their loss, be extra sensitive to the kinds of questions you ask. They might prefer you listen and not ask any questions. If you’re unsure, ask open ended questions like, “what about your child would you feel comfortable sharing?” If your heart is in the right place it can still be stressful for the parent to answer questions. Be sensitive to the fact they might get cranky with you because it’s easier than answering painful questions that open up those memory channels. Ask yourself what’s most important right now before blurting out your need to find out details from their life. Decide if the relationship with this person is more important than knowing about their past. Be kind in your questions and responses.
PS: Don’t forget to tell someone you love them today
Recent Comments