Have you been divorced or know someone that has? Every family has been touched by divorce or separation in some fashion globally. The following blog is educating through science, some personal and professional experiences. If you stay to the end I share about a program I’m proud about. I also include some fun GIPHYs to keep things light as this is a very sensitive subject for everyone, myself included.
Fullest Life Key #1: 💃🏽 🏃♀️ 🤸♀️ 🧘♀️ 🙏 💔 Know what depression and divorce looks like.⠀
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According to this article by Lifeline, Divorce makes one more susceptible to PTSD, depression and other disorders. They call it adjustment disorder or situational depression. For more info check out the article here.⠀⠀
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I’d love to hear what the best advice you received was during your divorce process from friends and family or even strangers. Go ahead and tweet us a screen shot of the blog title to @MoveHappyTeam along with a couple sentences of best advice so we can help others learn from our experiences. We’ll be retweeting the best ones in alignment with Mindset-Community-Fitness for mental health support. ⠀
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Fullest Life Key #2: 💃🏽 🏃♀️ 🤸♀️ 🧘♀️ 💔 Know what some signs and symptoms of depression for those divorced look like.⠀
Some signs include: ignoring responsibilities, avoiding family and friends, performing poorly at work due to lack of focus, or fighting. ⠀
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Some symptoms look like: a loss of appetite, a loss of interest in activities you previously enjoyed and hobbies, trouble sleeping or insomnia, irritability, fatigue, crying spells, difficulty concentrating, feelings of hopelessness and pessimism, as well as a lost sense of worthiness, suicidal thoughts and even attempts. A diagnosis of depression requires that at least five of these symptoms be present. ⠀
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For women, it usually manifests as sadness, worthlessness and guilt. ⠀
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For men, it ranges from irritability, difficulty sleeping, binge drinking or drug use. ⠀
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For more info check out this article.
We’d love to hear what part of the article you enjoyed most by tweeting us @MoveHappyTeam a screenshot of this week’s blog title along with a few sentences of the signs and symptoms of divorce and depression so we can help empower people in communities globally. We will be retweeting those that are most in alignment with our Move Happy Mission:
To Empower People Globally To Move Towards Their Own Happiness Through Mindset-Community-Fitness
Fullest Life Key #3: 💃🏽 🏃♀️ 🤸♀️ 🧘♀️ 🙏 💔 Know what is the global prevalence of depression for those with divorce.⠀
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Globally, in nearly four decades between 1970 and 2008, the divorce rate has more than doubled, from 2.6 divorces for every 1,000 married people to 5.5. Those results are averaged across all the regions of the world that they studied according to the Psychology Today article here.⠀
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For me, I’m grateful for those that stepped up for me during my divorce process in 2015. Many and most unrelated to me in my direct sales business formerly Nerium now called Neora.⠀Many were not financially benefitting from assisting me either; that was the culture Jeff Olson created.⠀
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3 specific examples: ⠀
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❤️ Sarah Nilsen a 6+ figure earner came to my apartment to answer questions from those interested in my products or biz. She said she was going to be in the area working with one of her business partners and stopped by for an hour to answer questions for my business growth (not financially benefitting 1 cent).
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❤️Genni Thummel texted me a Tony Robbins YouTube video how to get my mind right with practical action steps days away from being homeless. She reached out and initiated the emotional support. I don’t remember ever asking her for help, but she’s a mom and she knew I didn’t know how to even ask for help. She did not benefit finically from sending me any help and that is just 1 of many examples where she has stepped in and been an incredible mentor both in business and in spiritual growth.⠀
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❤️ Gaia Ferreira helped edit my 📖 and gave me an idea to take it to the next level! She lives in Ireland and we chatted about my divorce and she was going through 1 too. She helped me learn it’s a 5yr separation there prior to divorce 😩 #Perspective#11MonthProcessForMe. She did not financially benefit from helping me. She gave me practical tips on business and listened to my relationship issues without judgment. Since my medical insurance was canceled from my ex-husband illegally during the divorce process I couldn’t afford therapy. She saved me thousands of dollars that I didn’t have by helping me focus on the book and giving me something positive to be excited about when my world was crumbling.
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None of them benefitted financially from helping me nor did they ask me for anything in return. They stepped in and offered support when I didn’t know how to ask for it because my depression was full blown #WomenMentors⠀
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My family wasn’t able to help because other family members needed more help and I was too embarrassed to ask.⠀I had enough instances in my life when I got the courage to ask for help and they failed me. God stepped in and provided me non-related friends and non-related family through Neora and The Miracle Morning Group.
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I’ll never get divorced again and I’ll never be rushed to marrying someone either.⠀
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I never expected my lawyer to take advantage of me, but it happened. She asked for $3k to start as a retainer. When that got burned up in the first 60 days she asked for $3k more. I didn’t have it. One of my friends loaned me the money and I told them I would pay them back. I did. I created streams of income through sales of my Nerium (now Neora) products and sold some of my possessions to pay them back. The lawyer got wind of money from my ex’s estate and got greedy. She forgot that I wasn’t connected to our joint bank account anymore. She asked for another $3k. I didn’t know why after a week before I had sent her $3k but she needed it. I paid it reluctantly on my credit card. I felt like she was taking advantage of me and met a friend earlier that month named Deborah.
Deborah listened to me say, I don’t know how to prove it but I feel like she’s taking advantage of me. Deborah said, email her and ask for an itemized breakdown of all services, then We’ll lay out all the paperwork and organize it to see if it lines up with the itemized bills. After Deborah’s analysis, she noticed the lawyer was charging me $75/email and sending me 3-5 emails a week that could have been summarized in 1 email/week saving me a few hundred dollars a week. When I asked the lawyer to change her methods to 1 summary email a week, she found a way to drop herself as my lawyer for the remainder of my services. God protected me by bringing me Deborah into my life in the right time.
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Thank you Deborah for stepping in and analyzing my situation to protect the rest of my income and dignity. She is an interior designer in Florida and works currently in the marine industry. She has her own business in interior design for marine or high end homes and businesses. I recommend her for any services and business connections. If you need or want any interior design work, reach out to her here.
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Fullest Life Key #4: 💃🏽 🏃♀️ 🤸♀️ 🧘♀️ 🙏 💔 Know the possible causes of depression in people that are dealing with divorce.⠀
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Divorce can be an extremely sad and frustrating experience. You can google the causes of depression and get a bunch of scientific facts. Unless you’ve gone through it personally, it won’t make much sense reading a blog or watching a movie or short video of someone else’s story. Believe me, I never thought I’d ever be married, let alone divorced. However, here is a bit about my story to help encourage you to have an increased awareness for others that might be going through it around you.
Personally, I had to move 13 times in the course of 18 months during divorce process. A lot of the moves were temporary spaces until I could afford my own place. I wasn’t planning to be laid off of my guaranteed teaching contract at the same time. I wasn’t planning on my bank account being moved away to a secret place because my ex-husband was the head of our joint account. I wasn’t planning on my lawyer scamming me an extra $3000 that I didn’t have for a total of $10,000 when I could barely pay my rent and was volunteering at the food shelter so I could get groceries. ⠀
Depression kind of found me. ⠀
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But I didn’t give up ❤️. I connected to healthy people and worked hard selling products in my business so I could feel like I was doing something productive. I met Kara and her husband while singing at a restaurant and they booked me for some singing gigs for politicians in Washington state. She’s a judge in WA and her husband is one of the top managers for Costco. They flew me out this last year for his 60th birthday party to be the musical entertainment. I used the gifts I was created with and worked my ass off to pay for my bills as best as I could. I’m so grateful for their contribution in one of the hardest times in my lives.
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I watched a webinar on how to self publish a book and wrote a 📖 that year. Genni Thummel (referenced above in this blog) talked about Affirmations when she shared her story at a live weekly training. She spoke about how the economy had her breathing through a straw in the middle of the night. She was beyond stressed, bed ridden, and affirmations helped her climb out of depression, along with her husband’s support and a lot of prayer.
I started applying what I learned about affirmations from her and started getting into them through the Miracle Morning Community on Facebook. I initiated my social media channel “Affirm Queen” and started writing affirmations and prayers to go alongside them. My first book is called Whole Life Affirmations available on my Move Happy website here or on Amazon for paperback here. I have since changed my business name to Move Happy so some of the lingo in the book is from my former business name. It’s too much of a hassle to update everything and I appreciate the painful part of my journey.
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I had a crazy few years post divorce and the loss of my father the following year. But I didn’t die. I survived, and I learned that low income increases the likeliness of violence. I will never allow myself to be put in a situation around violence again whether with a man, a family member or a roommate. ⠀
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I still believe in love and never stopped believing in it. I had to go through the hard times to be able to really appreciate someone loving me fully as I am. I am a work in progress and have bad days where my depression gets to be too much. On those days I tend to do best in my quiet zone and get a song written or a new hike discovered. Now with the Coronavirus going around and the undeniable facts around it, I’ll be switching to more digital workout outlets and offering an online community soon that focuses on: happiness, community and fitness. To stay connected to updates related to that, email me subject line “Move Happy Community Interest” with your name and best way to contact you (phone/email/skype/social media handle). ⠀
What are some of your favorite ways to deal with your divorce depression? Tweet us @MoveHappyTeam a screenshot of the blog title and a few ideas that are in alignment with Mindset-Community-Fitness for an opportunity to be retweeted and your content to be repurposed in future Move Happy work with your name included for writer’s credit.
Move Happy Updates
The Move Happy Movement Podcast© is in full swing! Together we are bringing awareness to mental health, providing practical strategies to empower those with depressed states to move towards their own happiness and inspiring the joy of movement! Tomorrow I’ll be releasing episode 43 with Ramona Patterson.
Her mission is to be so busy loving her life that she has no time for hate, regret, worry, fret or fear. She served her country honorably in the USAF for 8 years. She held a top secret security clearance for 10 years with specialties in combat mobility, chemical warfare, heavy equipment operations (375KGVW) and large scale dispatching. She was promoted ahead of her peers. She entertained the troops overseas as a singer/ dancer traveling Europe and the Middle East. She created a 24 hour dispatch center for Northeastern three state coverage. She holds global Patents in the Nonwovens Industry. She is a competitive athlete competing in yearly, global challenges with my T12 Trikke Roadster ( massive machine ) and her T10. She has ranked as the #1 competitor for the last 4 consecutive years. Make sure to connect with her here and wait for the official release tomorrow of our interview on the Move Happy Movement Podcast!
Follow the Move Happy Movement Podcast wherever you listen (iTunes and Spotify) and Tweet us @MoveHappyTeam if you’d like it on a different platform. Once we have 10,000 listeners we’ll be offering a sweet giveaway! You must be one of the monthly listeners to qualify and be active in commenting/liking/sharing/tweeting Move Happy content on any and all social media platforms. The more platforms you follow us, the easier it will be for us to remember your name when deciding on random giveaways 😘. We’ll keep things updated from the distribution website below ⬇️⬇️⬇️
If you have any quotes you feel are in alignment with Move Happy weekly topics during the week, send them her way with a note that you want it included on the Move Happy channels and we’ll include the best ones that sync up to the weekly topic and provide encouragement to our audience. You’ll also receive writer’s credit if selected 😊.
Other news, I have been doing my own social media management while maintaining a full time job since 2015. I didn’t launch Move Happy officially until I moved to TN in 2017 however I have been practicing social media since 2015 (the year I got a good smart phone for the first time (my 1st one didn’t count as I got a cheap one and didn’t know how to use it 😂 #UserError)). I forgot how much I learned in such a short amount of time. When I created my Move Happy Instagram channel @TheRealMoveHappy I grew really fast in a short amount of time.
Facebook reached out to me within 4 months of launching my profile and actually taking it seriously (Instagram is owned by Facebook). They asked if I was interested in speaking on stage and helping other small businesses grow their brands on stage. The kinds of questions the nice lady Mary asked me on the recorded line were very much “insider” questions. I quickly started realizing she was trying to get info on my “system” and “how do you write your own content, do you hire someone or do it yourself?” I didn’t know I was adding value just by being myself and using my curriculum design skills. I learned how to design curriculum by being a K-12 teacher without a curriculum budget from school districts 😂. Even though I hadn’t made that much money yet with Move Happy, I was so open with what I was doing she gave me a private portal link for support from Facebook staff directly that most others don’t get access to. She encouraged me to use it anytime I didn’t have time to sort through their ‘resources’ pages. #Grateful
I did some serious thinking after that call and asked myself, “Why Can’t I teach social media skills that I learned?” Then I launched Erin Nicole Media last summer. I didn’t take it seriously and had my first guest trainee completely shocked that she was my first client. Blanca was on the Steve Harvey Show and Mel Robbins Show. She’s been on just about every news outlet in the world and top 30 body language expert in the world!
Blanca was SO surprised at the skillset I had (at the end of the Social Media University Intensive workshop). I told her she was my first client at the end haha! #Surprise. She thanked me for offering it for free for her. Of course it gave me the confidence to modify the workshop and really take it seriously as a second business.
Now I am offering the workshop multiple times a day (M-F) because I LOVE teaching! If you’re interested in taking my workshop, email me to request subject heading “SMUI Workshop Interest Blog Discount” here. Once I get enough interest (max of 8) I’ll organize the next workshop. Please include your timezone and preferred times/days and I’ll do my best to accommodate. If you bring 3 friends, you’ll get a free ticket for yourself too. I’m not perfect, but I’ve learned a lot of mistakes and I learned that I’m actually pretty good at it and am good at teaching. I want to help you grow your brand too. Did I mention I didn’t have a good smart phone until 2015? 😊 #YouCanLearnToo (Also I reserve the right to refuse service to anyone for any reason).
One last thing, I offer the workshop as a group setting because that’s how I prefer to teach. If you’re dying to take it but don’t want anyone else around, you may schedule your exclusive 1:1 VIP training with me for $999 and receive 1 year access after that to the group workshop. To sign up for 1:1 VIP go here. Shoot me an email confirming purchase and I’ll accommodate your schedule and block off time on my calendar since you’re paying more for my time. Also shoot me a email me here saying “I signed up for VIP Social Media University Intensive Workshop and need to schedule time with you” as I have turned off notifications for all social media so I can be more selective with my time for work and time for play. That will tell me to expedite response to YOU so you can get your 1:1 time scheduled asap. Also, I reserve the right to refund anyone that makes me feel uncomfortable with the sale (i.e. stalker behavior, cursing at me, or disrespecting my team).
Fullest Life Key #5: 💃🏽 🏃♀️ 🤸♀️ 🧘♀️ 🙏 💔 Know How Move Happy® can help those with depression that are recently divorced.⠀
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I created a program in one of the most sensitive populations anyone could work in, a locked live-in psychiatric 🏥. I had a variety of patients of all adult ages from mid 20s to 80s. Some were divorced. I’m not sure how many but I remember at least 2 mentioning being married at one point.⠀
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My patients shared my program around the entire 🏥 after we ran it the 1st round & I started revising it. One of my patients a former comedian that toured around the USA and Canada, we’ll call “Stan” said on day 1 round 3 of the program:⠀
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“I’m not going to do any exercise or share my thoughts. This is dumb.” ⠀
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He was telling me every day that his day was “So-So” for the first 8 months I was there, a real negative Nelly 😏. He joined Move Happy the 3rd round I ran it per his treatment team suggestion. He didn’t participate at all the first 7 days of the program. He just sat there full of negative energy😂. I didn’t let that stop me from believing I could help him!⠀
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My colleague and co-facilitator Sayaka asked me to encourage him to share. She let me run the program and was my mentor and also licensed mental health therapist. I took her advice seriously, and I also trusted my gut. I knew he would do it on his own without me forcing it ❤️⠀
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He sat next to my office in a chair every afternoon for months and months. I was a positive energy he and a lot of my patients enjoyed being around. Stan would always say, “I’m doing so-so” to me and to all my colleagues every day. After only seven days of absorbing the positivity of our Move Happy group I asked him “Hey Stan, how are you doing?” He responded:⠀
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“Erin I’m doing great! I didn’t know what to expect out of your group but I really enjoy it. Thank you for not pushing me to share my responses this week. I’ll be ready next week & will begin working out 💪🏼 too.” ⠀
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I was shocked really. I debated sharing this testimonial because I didn’t know if “Stan” was serious or if he was just in a good mood from his treatment team meeting that same day. Around that same time I had been promoted to a new role because of my work ethic and because I brought a copy of the Move Happy Participant Journal I designed into my second interview (I was tied between a licensed therapist with no experience and my own no license but practical experience with the direct patients). My colleague Susan M came in to cover for me during my training period. I asked her one day if Stan was actually working out and having a good attitude. She told me, “surprisingly he is participating and helping make sure the rest of the patients don’t get interrupted by so-and-so who always interrupts everyone” 😂. I couldn’t believe it, he took a leadership role in my absence and was fully engaged! It meant not only that I could help him, but that the program helped flip his attitude even in my absence! #DuplicatableProgram 🙌🙌🙌
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I cannot make a claim yet in regards to whether it helps people with divorce and depression yet as I didn’t do an empirical study on Move Happy (too expensive for my divorced budget 😂). However, enough patients spread word about my program and encouraged me to share it, so I feel compelled to share it. They came from all walks of life, a variety of socioeconomic status, as well as a variety of races, religions and creeds. I’m blessed that they helped me grieve during the loss of my father as well as the year my divorce was finalized. Everyone of those patients that were a part of the first-third rounds helped contribute to what Move Happy is today and I believe wholeheartedly in giving back to mental health in their honor. I told them I’d continue the program for as long as I am alive and able to teach it to other facilitators and I intend to keep that promise.
I’ve been sharing the Move Happy Participant Journal for the past few weeks now and have yet to receive a review from anyone 😭. Once I receive some reviews, I’ll make the journal available again to the public. It does me no good to continue offering something for free that I have to pay to hold digitally in the cloud storage if no one is using it. Prove to me it’s helpful and I’ll keep making it available.
For those that are mental health practitioners or want to run your own Move Happy Facilitator Program, order it here. Thirty percent of all purchases goes back to a mental health organization of YOUR choice (just email me proof of purchase to Erin@TheMoveHappy.com and a link or address to the non-profit in mental health that you’d wish me to donate to). An additional 10 percent of the profits goes to YOUR local chapter of Big Brothers and Big Sisters (email your preferred local chapter name/link for ease of donation). If you are purchasing outside of the United States and do not have a Big Brothers and Big Sisters chapter in your country, please include your preferred youth program you’d like us to donate on behalf of your purchase and their donation link or physical address. The idea is to change the world and I know I can’t do it by myself. You get to write off your curriculum purchase as a tax-write off and we get to write-off portions to donate to our local and global communities that benefit YOUR community. How cool is that?
I’m no saint, I just choose to focus on what I can contribute to make the world better. I’ll keep updating you as I continue growing as a human and business owner. My financial goal is to eventually make $1 billion dollars and give away 90 percent of my income and live off of 10 percent. How many of us can live off of 100 million dollars? I know I can 😂😂😂. I can live off of a LOT less and have for 33.8 years of my life. It’s time to start making more so I can contribute more to this world. Won’t you please join me on this journey?
Make sure to stay connected on all social media and tell me what kinds of topics you want to learn more about to help with your specific type of depression and perspective. I want to continue getting better and helping others as long as those people asking for help actually want to improve their lives.
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In conclusion, divorce is a bitch. Sorry not sorry. Divorce is painful, it is expensive. It is not an individual problem. It is a global economic travesty and one that I contributed to in my past. I’ve learned what mistakes not to remake again and I’ve learned that I’m perfectly okay without being married again. However, I also believe in love, appreciate companionship and love the idea of having a kick ass couple-preneur relationship with my new and forever boo. He might be mad at me writing this but I wear my ❤️ on my sleeves and when you know, you know right? With this scary virus going around the globe it reminds me that there are no guarantees in life. Depression doesn’t “Go away” nor does the fact that my divorce was real ever go away. I’m learning to appreciate the journey and, I’m focused on loving myself and loving others with a varied distance depending on how their behavior effects my mental health.
If I added any value to you on your journey, I’d be honored if you’d share this blog with a friend or family member.
PS: Don’t forget to tell someone you love them today
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