Have you ever had a person or experience you appreciated but then the circumstances changed and you had to adjust? I’ve been going through this very recently and wanted to share briefly with you to hopefully shed some light on the subject if you’re going through something similar.
Last month, I married my hero of 2020. It was a very quick decision and we never dated. I loved him as a Daughter loves her father, not a romantic love. He loved me like I was his wife early on. I’ll keep from sharing too much on his side as he can share his own side of the story if he so chooses. The only thing from his side that I will share his the reason for the marriage: to keep the government from getting access to his retirement fund he’s been growing since the 70s.
He wanted someone to get access to it that would help the homeless or do good things for others. He was legally not allowed to give it to his children when Obama became President because of some law that was altered. He offered to give it to me back in 2020 when we barely knew each other. It didn’t sit right with me to take his money so I turned him down multiple times…
Then we started talking again as friends a few months ago. We didn’t speak at all in 2021 because we had a falling out. I could tell he had changed and calmed down in 2022. He said the same thing about the government getting his money and he wouldn’t be able to help anyone after putting money into it monthly since the 70s. I thought about his family and the people that he could impact that would not be able to be helped because of a stupid rule. So I suggested we get married to make it legit. The stipulation was that he had to be married to someone for at least 2 years. My stipulation? I was never changing my last name. I told him before we got engaged and asked if he had a problem with it. He said he didn’t care. I also said I needed a pre-nup to protect myself and make sure no-one called me a gold digger. He agreed. Then he never wrote one up.
We got engaged and that is when the mood swings started occurring. He ended the relationship before we got married. Then begged for me back 2 times that I can recall, perhaps more. I thought he’d change. He didn’t. He became more and more controlling than I imagined he’d get. The final straw was on Easter Sunday. I informed him I was taking a free business growth workshop all week for 30min-1hour a day Monday-Thursday. He told me he didn’t approve. I told him I didn’t care if he approved or not, I was keeping him in the loop of my week for communication purposes. The next day we were supposed to sign papers for our taxes. He informed me he wanted a divorce (this was the 7th time he’d done this) and that I could drive myself to the tax place (90 minutes away each direction). Then he asked for his dog tags and went and locked himself in our bedroom. I went to the 2nd bedroom and began packing my things. This was the last time he threatened our relationship over my choices in how I spent my time. God put my businesses and dreams in my heart and no one will stop me from pursuing them.
He began calling people and telling them how I was disrespecting him and didn’t ask his permission. He spoke so loudly. He even said I wasn’t a friend to him. The day before he told me we were best friends. This was not normal behavior. I continued packing and reached out to a dear friend I’ve known for 20 years. She and her husband sent me money to help me with the move. I reached out to some other friends who had an extra room and they agreed to let me move in.
We’re still very much in the thick of it but I know that my prayers are being answered. I asked God to close doors to people and opportunities that He does not want me to walk through. Although my ex has continually reached out to beg for us to get back together, I am happier alone. Is he still my hero of 2020? Yes. He saved my life. That does not give him the right to keep me from being happy now. Oh and the agreement we had over the name change, the pre-nup and the retirement fund? He violated every single one of them. He told me because I wasn’t changing my last name, the contract wouldn’t work with the government. He said he was reading over it recently and informed me of that. I asked to read it and he said it was a phone number (conveniently the day before his big blow up over my free business training). He never filled out the paperwork and he never planned to have me be the beneficiary because I believe he faked the entire thing. Either way, God will provide me with money to help others if it’s in His plans. I am not concerned over that. It’s a closed door.
I ask during this time that you pray for a healthy closure and quick turnaround of legal documents that I’ve sent his way. He says he won’t sign anything which would require me to get a lawyer and I don’t have a lot of extra funds for lawyers right now. Thank you in advance for your prayers and encouragement.
I ask that if you’re one of the people that tapped my phone recently when my old friend called me to please leave me alone. If you want his location, you’re not going to get it from me. He and I may not be married for much longer but he’ll always be my hero and I’ll never violate his trust. LEAVE ME ALONE
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