March 2, 2019Erin Nicole
What is self talk?
It’s the words you say aloud or silently to yourself. Positive self talk is encouraged before big events (i.e. that conversation in your head going up the elevator to the big interview for example, or the boyfriend’s talking in the mirror practicing how he’s going to pop the question). What you think about you create in your reality. Be kind to yourself in all times on a daily basis. You shouldn’t have to have a big event to talk nice to yourself.
Does Self Talk Really Matter?
This article focuses on tips to improve self talk because so much of our daily lives involves self talk (we just aren’t always paying attention to how we talk to ourselves or to others about ourselves). As Les Brown and many other thought leaders have said, a negative comment is 17 times more powerful than a positive comment (whether to someone else or directed at ourselves). Why then would you want to risk your health by saying something mean about yourself? It’s time to start taking inventory over your self talk and taking action to a more positive direction.
If you find value in today’s blog, please like it, comment and share it with others. Thank you!
#1 Step: Pay attention to how you talk about yourself to yourself
It’s as simple as noticing the words you say to yourself in a period of 24 hours. There was a powerful Dove Commercial that was done in France on the use of negative self talk a few years back. It was some actors speaking aloud from a script. The script was taken from what these women had written down about their inner thoughts. The actors were saying these terribly mean things to each other as if they were insulting the other person. People in the coffee shop thought it was so real they started defending the person getting insulted! The women that wrote their thoughts down were watching in the coffee shop someone else speaking their hateful words aloud and it finally clicked. You definitely need to check it out if you haven’t seen it. Although it can be painful, journaling is a great way to get your thoughts out to become aware of your starting point.
#2 Step: Focus on the words that you use about yourself to other people.
I remember saying something terrible about my writing to my college professor my freshman year. She looked back at me and asked, “do you ever do journaling?”
I said, “sometimes” She responded, “ it can help you get better at your writing and let your thoughts out.”
She had no clue my grandma was going through stage 4 cancer and we were visiting her in hospice almost every night, meanwhile it was my first year in college and I was really struggling with the adjustment of adult-hood and the craziness of everything happening at once.
The rest of that semester I journaled every single night and I brought my journal with me if I ever was feeling anxious or stressed. Here I was insulting myself aloud, and she turned it around into an opportunity to help me realize its a skill and that I can improve.
I’m so grateful for her. And who would’ve imagined that I would have self published two books 10 years later and created a 16-week curriculum combining a journal I created moving people towards happiness through journaling, group discussion and workouts with minimal equipment?
I began focusing on what I was saying about myself to others from the moment my college instructor listened to my complaint and turned it into a learning opportunity for me. #SoGrateful
# 3 Step: Focus on how do you respond when a friend or colleague is introducing you and edifying you to another person (i.e. when they compliment you).
I’ll tell you what I used to do. I used to be bashful and tell them actually the opposite of what they were saying was true because I thought that it was me being humble
WRONG!
You can simply say thank you and not disgrace the compliment they gave you and also accept how that friend or colleague views you.
I used to be so bashful about my music. If someone paid me a compliment, I would say something like, “oh I dabble a bit.” I didn’t want to seem cocky. I am a very good singer and I’ve won 1st place in just about every competition I’ve ever competed (2nd place only 1 time when competing against my brother who goes by JRice on all music platforms with over 500,000 subscribers through Spotify and YouTube combined, but still that’s not bad)! Now I proudly say, yes I’m a singer, I am for hire if the price is right and schedule allows, and I give back using the gift that was given to me to charities from my moneys.
I encourage you today to pay attention to how you respond when someone is paying you a compliment or introducing you to someone else.
#4 Step: Be aware of what science says about self talk using brain mapping (sometimes called neurological mapping).
I love when science proves something amazing and simple to help us better our lives works! There was a study done by the National Institute of Health on emotional regulation. They wanted to measure whether or not someone could positively impact their mood by using self talk. The NIH found it was effective by using brain scan imaging! Check out the article here. They literally found positive self talk activated certain parts of the brain when trying to calm their emotions down. Such a powerful tool we hold and it doesn’t cost us a thing to use!
#5 Step: Start taking action with the knowledge you’ve learned about self-talk.
It’s time to put all lessons learned about self talk into practice!
First tip: you need to be aware of what you’re saying about yourself or thinking to yourself so practice mindfulness meditation.
Second, grab a friend and ask them to keep you accountable all week for your self talk Lastly, journal every day either in the morning or night time writing down specifically how you talked about yourself or the thoughts that you had throughout the day about yourself. Awareness is key!
Self talk is a key component to someone’s self esteem, how they view the world, and how others view them. It is so important to take inventory over how you talk about yourself to yourself, how you talk about yourself to others, and how to can accept compliments when someone is edifying you to another person.
Self talk is a skill and just like any other can be improved with intentional practice. I hope you found value in the suggestions today and I hope you begin to take action to make improvements.
Personally, I know I am a work in progress when it comes to self talk. I am okay with not being perfect. I do however want to improve and the only way to get better at something is to take inventory at where my starting point is and measuring progress throughout. I’ve asked a friend to keep me accountable for how I talk about myself aloud and we’re both keeping each other accountable.
I’d love to hear your thoughts on this topic! Feel free to comment on this post and share it on your social media if you found value in it.
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I love you all and don’t forget to tell someone you love them today…
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