July 28, 2018Erin Nicole
According to Google, our planet has 7.442 billion people. It can be a bit daunting if you think about it. That’s a LOT of humans! There are many good souls, and some you wish you never met. It can be a scary thing trying to meet new people and rationally so. Like when I needed a roommate when I was going through a tough time. I chose someone out of desperation that I later found out was using illicit drugs. He threatened to kill me in the middle of the night! I get that it isn’t easy to trust people.
But here’s the thing….
Not everyone is bad. I believe all people even the one that threatened my life have goodness in them. We can learn from them all. The meaning I took out of that scary experience was that my focus was on survival mode. I wasn’t clear on what I really wanted and because of that invited the wrong kind of person into my home. #LessonLearned
Because of that personal experience, it gave me greater perspective a year later when I was hired to work in a psychiatric hospital. I had an insider’s peek at mental illness, and drug use. So often they go hand-in-hand. That painful experience helped me to be more alert around patients that relapsed or skipped their meds. I was able to offer a deeper perspective to their treatment team.
From that and my willingness to support the team, I was invited to interview for a promotion within the hospital. 17 candidates were interviewed including myself. I went neck-in-neck with a licensed mental health therapist for second round interviews. She had experience and I had only a few months experience in the hospital and no license. I know without a doubt the supportive environment of people helped to provide me with the skills necessary to believe I could earn that promotion. And I did! I am so grateful for the connections I made….
Unfortunately after a few weeks in the position state budget cuts were announced and they closed my promotion down returning me to my original position. Regardless, I appreciate the experience and the people that believed in me enough to promote me despite the other candidates having more experience in mental health.
That budget cut helped me to open my eyes to an unhealthy relationship I was in and was exactly the push I needed to get the H#$% out! During this scary time, I received so much support from the staff I worked with friends from my online business and even some of my customers! Had I not reached out to positive healthy people, I would not be where I am today. I would have continued to be in an abusive relationship. My income would still be below poverty level. I never would have trademarked my Move Happy brand and began the journey of growing as a personal and professional resiliency coach.
Through my personal struggles I believe I can provide you some insight of things to do and things not to do to increase your relationship wealth….
Please share this post with anyone needing some social support.
Point 1: Like Attracts Like.
Be intentional and aware of your own desires and ask yourself if they’re in alignment with your beliefs and actions. According to the Huffington Post, people with low frequency (self sabotaging, low confidence, things like that) attract others who are similar. Read further here.
If you’re wanting to attract more positive relationships in your life, it starts from within. Do one small thing today that brings you joy.
Comment below with what you choose! ⤵️⤵️⤵️⤵️
Point 2: Know your values.
When I was 14 I had some pretty tough transitions. A family friend gave me a copy of the 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens. The author talked about a life mission statement. I began writing mine down and my values.
It was an incredible lesson and set me up with stability when it felt like my world 🌎 was crashing. I just recently was published in the ProjectHappiness.org blog telling a bit of my journey. You can read about it here.
When faced with uncertainty, decide on what’s most important to you before stress levels get to a point where you’re not thinking clearly. I’m a daily working progress. Being clear on my values and not compromising on them has opened up the right kinds of opportunities. And I’m human, so there are times when I lose track of my values and those are the times I remind myself to get back to my core values…
What are some of your core values? Comment below ⤵️⤵️⤵️⤵️
Point 3: Steering Clear of Debbie Downers.
What exactly does that mean? According to the article in Psychology today, your emotions are highly contagious like a cold. Choose your relationships wisely or you may get in a funk too and have your immune system tank among other things.. For more info check it out here.
If you have to work with these people, find ways to spend as little time as possible with them so it doesn’t effect your mood too. It’s for the good of your health and mindset.
Point 4: Relationships Should Add Value.
Ann Smith writes in Psychology Today, about The Right to A Healthy Relationship here.
It is necessary to identify what you want, what you don’t want, and be alone if necessary.
Whether you are dating or in a work relationship/partnership, value should be evident by both parts.
If you feel it is unbalanced, have a conversation.
If nothing changes, ask yourself what the cost is to your emotional/social/financial health if you stay in that relationship.
Point 5: Feel Good Around People.
According to Leon in his Huffington Post article, feeling good from people does not mean they are similar. They add value or motivate you to be better.
Check out his article here.
Feelings are fleeting and highly variable. However, if you make a daily conscious decision to spend the majority of your time around people who will support you to reach your goals and be a better person your daily “feelings” will become habitual and become automatic.
Meditate on this for a few minutes today. Asking yourself, who am I spending the majority of my time around and are they positively impacting me?
If not, find a way to “bean dip,” as Denise, coined the term and change the subject or get the h&@$ out.
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Comment below any insight for our readers ⤵️⤵️⤵️
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Thanks for reading! I hope you found value in this as much as I did writing it. I am writing these posts just as much for me as I know there are people that need to read these. Application and transference to other life domains are two of the highest levels of learning. I would be honored if you applied any of what you read in my article in your life. Please feel free to comment below or email me on how you’re going to apply it today.
Ps: Don’t forget to tell someone you love them today…
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