Are you a mom or know someone that is? There are over 2 billion birth moms globally and if we also include step moms there are even more. It is estimated that at least 40 million mothers globally experience some form of depression. The purpose of this blog is to bring awareness to the sacrifices the moms in our lives make in order to make it possible for the rest of us to blossom. They support other moms and other men in their lives. Oftentimes, they sacrifice their life mission and dreams for the betterment of their children, or their partner’s children (step moms).
I was a step mom and bring some insight from personal experiences, what science says and try to incorporate some fun giphys to keep things light. I should warn you there is a dark story involving self harm later in the blog so if you’re under 18, have your parents pre-screen it for approval. The purpose of this blog and every blog is to empower you to walk towards your own happiness and show gratitude to those who have helped carve you into the person you are today. I share my authentic truth and what science tells us is true according to empirical research. I love it when you interact, ask questions, screenshot parts you gained insight from, share your own stories and wisdom and post on your social media. I hope you enjoy đ. If you stay to the end, you’ll hear about a program that I’m proud about too.
#1 Essential: Know What Depression Looks Like For Moms & Step Momsâ â
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What does depression look like in moms? â Candace Ganger describes it pretty well in her blog. â Take a look and leave her a comment if it helps you to understand a little more.
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For me personally, I gained step mom status when I was fresh out of college. I started dating a much older man and he had been divorced for a few years. His daughters were 11yrs and 13yrs respectively when we started dating in spring of 2009. He and I fell in love very quickly and I loved his girls, K and A. They both have very different personalities from each other and I learned quickly that I was a role model whether I was ready at 23yrs or not. I got rid of all my mini skirts and outfits I wouldn’t wear in front of them. No one told me I had to, I knew that my behavior was a large reflection in them and wanted to be a good example.
In 2010 I was blessed with the opportunity to go to Oregon State University fully paid for through a teaching assistantship. The problem was, we had just purchased a đĄ and my partner at the time had renters in another home covering 80% of our mortgage and I had covered the remaining 20%. When I got the opportunity to live in Oregon and get my Masters degree, we lost our renters because of the economy (they lost their job and had to move home suddenly). So we ended up selling the home we just bought at a loss and moved into the home đĄ his family owned and where he had raised his girls prior to his divorce. It also was the property next to his parents đ©. Not the most ideal situation to be the “other woman” with all of those memories the girls had growing up and his mom being very concerned about me. Nonetheless, he didn’t see any other option for us (and he didn’t want his savings to bleed anymore). He decided that changing his parenting plan to 50% would lighten the financial burden and also be an opportunity for him to have his girls every other week. Since we were living together that bumped me up to step mom status in a very short amount of time.
I didn’t think it was going to be that big of a deal but man did it change things a lot! I’m sure if you’re reading this as a step mom you can relate. I wanted to make sure the girls knew I loved them and that I wasn’t their mom and wasn’t trying to be their mom but that I was available to them if they needed a woman to talk to about period stuff or boy stuff.
My second year in graduate school I decided my partner needed more support at home and I wanted to be available for their games and concerts and things (K was a Cheerleader and in band, A was in band and track). I didn’t know that I would feel these feelings and be compelled to be super involved but it does make sense given my own mother was the #1 volunteer for everything (even has the t-shirt to prove it đ€Ł “Mama Rice”).
My partner needed financial and emotional support so I decided that I would contribute by cooking meals, attend all events the days I was in town (Wednesday-Sunday), and substitute on Thursdays/Fridays in Washington because Oregon had no need for substitutes since they laid off all first year teachers and had a surplus. I spent half the week in Washington and half the week in Oregon helping my family, finishing up my Masters Project, teaching fitness classes and helping cover a faculty/staff fitness class I partnered with my mentor Rochelle Schwabb (she needed a physical break and was offering me a chance to challenge my skillset and teach step aerobics to the staff that paid for their classes). To say that I was busy was an understatement. When I was in Oregon, I was as involved as a woman could be with her family. Katherine and Alyssa were not my children, but I loved them as much as if they were my own. I hope one day they look back and see that in me since the divorce wasn’t the prettiest situation.
What depression looked like for me was draining all of my energy and love for the family, my job and my goal of completing my masers degree. I forgot to leave some love for myself. I snapped a bit at times at my partner because I was physically exhausted. I had moments of gratitude and love and wrote a song dedicated to him because I didn’t have a lot of financial resources and couldn’t travel so I wrote him a song about all the places I’d have hoped we could travel to one day. I gave my best in that relationship despite a mother in law that was extremely insecure with herself and thought I was after their đ°. I am proud with myself for the love I gave to his girls and the grace I gave to his mother despite the way she treated me. To her credit, her son made a lot of financial mistakes that they always cleaned up after, and she probably saw me in that manner.
I wanted to prove so badly to her that I wasn’t after their money, I actually went and got 5 part-time jobs after I graduated and never took $0.1 from her son. I never asked him for financial support because I wanted her to believe that we were in love with no “gotchas.”
When my husband told a potential business partner of mine a few years later that we didn’t have the $500 capital to get started and I knew he got $26,000 every year from his parents for free and that he didn’t believe in me, I found a way to get the $500 myself. Within 5 weeks I earned my investment back and worked my tail off learning how to network, host booths at events, cold call, follow up, socialize, really everything related to sales and starting a business. His lack of belief made me say, “Watch Me.”
When I started evaluating our values and noticed that we were really not in alignment long term, I decided I was going in a direction towards making the world better. He didn’t want that for himself which was fine. Depression for me was something I dealt with on a daily basis, some days better and some days worse. I needed to surround myself with people that believed in my capabilities and knew he wasn’t the person that I thought he was from the get go. No hard feelings to my ex-husband, he just had an alcohol problem and in the beginning so did I. We would get drunk and have a great time not really moving forward in life. When I got clear on my life purpose, I knew I had to respect the relationship for what I learned from it and that it was okay to move forward in life without him. I have never felt the need to be in a romantic relationship since then because I would rather be single and happy than miserable with the wrong rich person.
#2 Essential: Know What The Signs & Symptoms of Depression Looks Like In Moms
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What are some signs and symptoms of depression in moms and step moms? â For major depression, it looks like a lack of interest in things mom once enjoyed, it can also affect her ability to work, eat and sleep in normal and effective manners. â For more info check out this article.
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Another term for depression in moms recently given birth is called post-partum depression. â For some it lasts a few weeks to a few months post birth and some may have it even while pregnant. â â
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Persistent depression is lower intensity of mood disturbance but lasts for 2 years or more. â â
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PDD or Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder occurs the week prior to menstruation and subsides once the period begins â â
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Some of the distinguishing factors in how depression differs between women vs. men include:â â
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đ Women feel anxious and scared; men feel guardedâ â
â„ïž Women blame themselves for the depression; men blame othersâ â
đ Women commonly feel sad, worthless, and apathetic when depressed; men tend to feel irritable and angryâ â
â„ïž Women are more likely to avoid conflicts when depressed; men are more likely to create conflictsâ â
đ Women turn to food and friends to self-medicate; men turn to alcohol, TV, sex, or sports to self-medicateâ â
â„ïž Women feel lethargic and nervous; men feel agitated and restlessâ â
đ Women easily talk about their feelings of self-doubt and despair; men hide feelings of self-doubt and despair-considering it a sign of weakness in most societiesâ â
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Let’s support our mom’s and step moms out there and check in on themâ â
For me personally, I had reached a breaking point in my relationship with my partner when we lived next to his parents. I couldn’t stand his chameleon personality always wanting to please his parents, please his girls, please his work, and please me but being inconsistent in the process. He was adopted and didn’t know his true identity. He wanted to please everyone and instead of being a strong man whom I could lean on and trust, I didn’t know who he was. He got deeper and deeper into his drinking and started becoming very disrespectful to me when he was drinking. He would black out and deny the name calling and the emotional stress I allowed him to put on me. It got so bad I checked out emotionally.
I was living part-time in Oregon as a guest of my friend Rachel and part-time with him. Rachel didn’t cash any of the checks I had given to her because she was grateful the CoastGuard had paid for her housing during her Masters Degree completion. She didn’t feel like the money they gave her was hers and wanted to help me out. When she found out how much money my ex had and that he was not supporting me financially she was very sad. She saw him come down and I waited on him hand and foot cooking and preparing meals and snacks and basically being a slave to him when he’d visit. We did all the kinds of things he wanted to do because I wanted to spoil him. I finally graduated and lived full-time in the house in the country with my partner, his girls every other week, next to his mom and dad.
The year after I graduated was a very tough year in the economy. I applied to over 500 jobs that summer and no bites, not even an email saying thanks but no thanks. My partner said don’t worry about it and don’t work this summer just be with me. His mom had another opinion about me not working and said to my face, “if I were in your shoes and knew my partner was paying for everything, I’d get 5 jobs to make sure my part was covered. I wouldn’t take advantage of someones kindness.” That was sadly his idea and I got the brunt of his wishes from his mom. I was so sad because my mom had a great relationship with my dad’s mom (Grandma Joyce). I told his mom that was what I wanted for us if it was possible. I told her, I’m getting jobs as soon as they come available to me. I told her that her son wanted me to not work and that wasn’t my goal. She was so shocked that I told her how I was feeling and how her words hurt me. She started to be more careful about her words and started watching my actions.
I learned a lot from his mother (my then mother in law). I learned how to cook for a week since the closest grocery store was 45 minutes away. I learned that she loved and protected her grandchildren and that it was okay she was tough on me because it demonstrated her love of her grandchildren and her protective spirit. I learned that she was a big volunteer in her community and also took care of her husband that had had 2 strokes and could barely move. She is a good person in her heart and I learned to see the good in her despite her outward appearance of nastiness.
I had had enough with her son though and his wishy-washy personality. I decided enough was enough I stopped planning things. I stopped cooking for the family and let him step into his responsibility. I stopped being emotionally available unintentionally. I also stopped eating regularly and lost wayyyy too much weight. It wasn’t in the plans, I just was so focused on making sure my bills were covered and didn’t want to ask him for any money because we weren’t married yet and I didn’t want to show that I couldn’t do it myself. I was so stressed taking care of my personal financial needs (working 5-part time jobs) that my sex drive was tapped out.
He brought it to my attention that we hadn’t had sex in 6 months. I denied it because it didn’t seem like it was that long ago. I didn’t miss it let me tell ya. A man that doesn’t step in and care for the woman in his life that’s providing a home and contributing the best she can by working 5-part time jobs doesn’t deserve your body. I didn’t do it intentionally. I started going to Bible study again and we weren’t married so I wanted to respect my body and his and told him I wanted to be married if we were going to be physical. It wasn’t an ultimatum, it was me reaching into my internal values and uncovering my worth.
I let him know what I deserved and that I needed to know that he and I were on the same team in regards to life values. Integrity and honesty are number one values for me. Believing in something greater than myself (my God) had to be in alignment with my partner. He said he had gotten saved again and we started going to church together. We started praying at meals and it seemed to be going on a positive upward trend.
It was very important to me that we were in alignment spiritually because his eldest daughter, K, had recently lost her boyfriend to suicide. She had broken up with him a few months prior and he was trying to get back together with her. She had gotten saved and had started attending private high school to separate from the terrible rumors about her (she had unfortunately gotten caught with her boyfriend in the car one evening). She had made a huge transition to seek a life of purpose and make better life decisions for herself. I knew how important it was for her dad and I to be on the same page as well to demonstrate good role modeling to her during this tough time. Her boyfriend unfortunately had blamed her in his letter before ending his life and she needed everyone’s emotional and spiritual support.
I was mid 20s at this point. I wasn’t prepared for this kind of situation and knew that I could not handle such a challenging thing by myself. She was seeking for meaning in her life and the purpose of her boyfriend blaming her for the ending of his life. For those of you reading this, suicide is very likely to be repeated by those most closely involved. I felt compelled for the family to be brought even closer together than ever. Katherine needed us more than ever. We started attending church as a family and decided to live separately for 6 months during the process of healing to make sure that marriage was a good decision for us. We continued to work on our relationship, be there for Katherine, and work on ourselves.
My partner signed up for therapy to find balance in his life again and to help himself gain a sense of his identity. I started taking some medication recommended by my doctor and signed up for a half marathon race training with the CHI Running methods and journaling. Things were going really well. When he finally proposed to me, he had me convinced he had changed for good.
We finally got married and sadly he went back to his old ways, stopped attending church and praying. He even told me he only did those things because he knew I wanted him to be something he wasn’t. I was so heartbroken. But I decided that I wasn’t going to live a life with someone that lied to me to get me to marry him. I would rather be single and living my life purpose with good friends and family close by.
It was a scary decision to walk away from a relationship I had given 6 years of my life to and lose out on a relationship with his girls. I had to do it for my personal sanity and for the betterment of mankind (I knew in my heart that I’d be doing big things to make our world better). Depression for me in this life stage meant I had to go against what was comfortable in order to contribute my gifts to the world.
#3 Essential: Know What The Global Prevalence of Depression in Moms Isâ
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The World Health Organization (WHO) estimates that 10 percent of pregnant women have mental illness, 13 percent that have just given birth have mental illness, and 19.8 percent after childbirth in developing countries. â Thatâs about 20 percent of 2 billion mothers worldwide, or 40 million mothers worldwide are also dealing with depression of some form. That statistic does not include step moms.â â For more info on this topic check out the article here. â â â
For me professionally, I worked in a psychiatric hospital where Move HappyÂź first began. Most of the patients I worked with were men. For those that were women, many of them were mothers. Most of them didn’t have much money and were mothers either by being raped and gave birth unplanned, or had beautiful families and love for them but needed to be admitted to the hospital for a short stint to get themselves healthy before returning to their families.
One particular patient that is near to my heart was gang raped. We’ll call her Sally. Sally would cry down the halls in between our active treatment groups screaming at the voices in her head. Some days it would be so bad for her that she’d ask for a PRN (medication to calm her down like Valium) and be sent to her ward until she could be safe around the patients and staff (usually a 12 hour hold or so). I don’t know if she had the voices before the gang rape or if it was the traumatic event that split her personality. Nonetheless, she participated in my Move Happy© group the first round I ran it with patients.
Keep in mind I was still learning the patients names and didn’t know them very well. I co-led the group with a licensed mental health therapist Sayaka to make sure the program was safe and effective for treatment for the patients and also fun for them to want to continue it upon discharge.
Tuesdays were station days for the group. I didn’t have access to videos for the patients or wifi rather so I took pre/post pictures of myself doing the exercises and had a variety of cardio, muscle fitness, and flexibility stations in even rotation around the room (about 10 exercises 20 cards per Tuesday). One of the stations the first day I ran it was a simple salsa dance move I learned at my high school after school club. I didn’t know if the patients would like dance because I was still learning their names and building rapport. I was busy walking around the room and working out with the patients after we journaled together and had a brief group discussion. At the conclusion of the station day, Sayaka pulled me aside once we escorted the patients back up to their wards. She said to me, “Erin did you see Sally? She was laughing and smiling the entire time. I’ve worked with her privately in therapy sessions and in groups and I haven’t seen her smile in 4 years.” đ± I’m so glad Sayaka saw the smiling and laughing and even if it was just for 1 day of laughter for Sally; that made my entire program worth it.
I’m sure there are more women like Sally in the world that deserve programs like I designed for my patients. My vision is to bring the entire world that is dealing with depression of some form together and provide hope to the hopeless through the gifts I have been given. I’m just one person and I know more of us can accomplish this when we work together.
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#4 Essential: Know What Are The Causes & Some Strategies for Moms That Have Depression
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What causes depression in moms and what are some practical strategies to help empower moms to move towards their own happiness? â Some possible causes are changes in the body, hormonally and physically, situational stress, genetic predisposition, spousal abuse, alcohol/drug abuse. â â
Some practical strategies to help empower moms include: provide a listening ear, walking partner and or workout buddy, journaling, psychotherapy/psychiatry, night out with spouse/loved one and kids have a safe fun babysitter to ease momâs stress, get kids to take responsibility in home chores to ease momâs stress. â â
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What are some more strategies to help momâs with depression to be and feel empowered? â If you have ideas, I’d love for you to take a screenshot of the title of this blog and tweet me your responses to: @MoveHappyTeam. The responses with the coolest ideas will be entered into a drawing for a free ticket to our Move Happy World Tour Experience 1.0© Event soon.
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Move HappyÂź Updates
The Move Happy Movement Podcast© is in full swing! Together we are bringing awareness to mental health, providing practical strategies to empower those with depressed states to move towards their own happiness. Tomorrow I’ll be releasing episode 37 with Anton Andryakov. He is the CEO of Prospective Force, human sustainability advocate, author of Death by Thousand Paper Cuts, US Marine Veteran, and Stress Management Advocate. You do NOT want to miss that episode (available on iTunes by 6p CST every Sunday “Move Happy Movement“). Thank you to all current 464 listeners. If you love what value I’m bringing, please be so kind and write a review for me to help spread awareness for mental health & get more people with depression/depressed states to hear from the leaders I’m bringing on the show. Thank you in advance đ
The Move Happy World Tour Experience 1.0© is in full swing for later this summer! This is a live event we will be hosting at the Ryman Auditorium. Currently I’m building out the sponsorship package and negotiating rates with The Ryman since I am donating 100% of all profits outside of the cost to run the event (building costs, insurances, hiring of staff, marketing, VIP dinner, etc) to my non profit partner John W Brick Foundation. We haven’t signed paperwork yet but they know that I’m giving them all the profits to keep their research going đ. Paperwork will be signed once I hear back from the Ryman. I chose this foundation because they are funding research in alternative methods that support mental health (like yoga, cold water therapy, etc).
I worked first hand in a psychiatric hospital with $100/15 people/month to contribute to my patients. I didn’t make enough money in this role but didn’t care because my patients deserved better and I had the skills to provide them a better fitness program than what they were being provided. When it turned out to be a big hit with the patients and enough of them said, “Erin you will be sharing this with other hospitals won’t you?” I had to figure out a way to do so.
This event is the first of an annual event that I will be organizing around the globe to bring awareness to those with mental health and provide practical strategies and stories to empower them to live a life of happiness; whatever that means to them. The more research I have been doing globally, the more I am realizing countries outside of the USA need our support. I was googling the top 10 countries where the #1 death is suicide and the statistics are staggering. Some of the top 10 have 1 psychologist for the entire country. 1 đł. No wonder deaths are so prevalent there! They NEED our support and I am putting my time and resources to make sure this is an annual event to continue the progress of ending the stigma and providing a place of hope for even just 1 percent change to occur. My lifetime goal is to be able to live off of 10% of my income and give 90 percent of my resources to make the world a better place. This is one of those ways I plan to do so.
If you’d like to help contribute to the event or attend the event, you can order pre-sale tickets now date TBD. Once the funding is covered and check written to the Ryman/Grand Ol’ Opry owners they give me permission to select a date. Anyone ordering pre-sale tickets in February will be entered into a drawing for some dope Move HappyÂź Swag presented at live event if you’re attending (and mailed if you cannot attend). Get your ticket or donate here.
This event will sellout once we reach 2,300 ticket holders. In the event we sell out and there is a large enough interest to have it at a larger venue, our board of directors and myself will handle those details. For now, I’m excited to be able to offer a chance for amazing speakers to share their stories of overcoming huge obstacles in their lives to be able to live a life of happiness to them. I’m so honored so many musicians have stepped up to volunteer their time in exchange for offering to sign their EPs and/or autographs during intermission. I’m working on getting the Nashville Symphony Chorus on board with a connection I made a few weeks ago. I’m very excited high profile athletes and celebrities are emailing me and DM’ing me saying they want to be a part of this. I even spoke to a PR for a potential billionaire speaking about his overcoming bankruptcy story through a connection from DRock, Gary Vee’s right hand man. THANKS DROCK! You do NOT want to miss out on this event.
If there is a large enough interest in attending the event via livestream, I will make arrangements. Email me if you live too far away from Nashville, TN but want to attend the event and have purchased a ticket. That’ll help me find out who wants to attend but physically cannot afford to.
Move Happy is moving into the business world! âWork Happy: The Practical Tools For Effective and Inclusive Workplaces©â â is in beta.
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Employees will benefit from this because the workshop is designed with you as the main focus in a positive manner. Employers will benefit from this because people that are cared for work harder and take less sick days, thus increasing your bottom line đ°. The workshop includes a follow up refresher (2 days total). Email me â subject âWorkplace Workshop Interestâ to get on the waiting list. Provide me a brief summary of the issues youâd like turned around in your workplace, your role, who are the key leaders at your workplace that make the final decision and their contact info (if applicable), size of your organization, and name of the EAP youâre associated (if applicable).
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The first 5 companies/organizations that sign up in January receive 50% savings and a shoutout at the Live Event! â The workshop cost varies depending on the size of your organization & in person or online. Small organizations (5 or less employees) that want the training done online will cost less than larger companies that want an in person training because I customize this workshop to fit your business needs.
Work Happy: The Practical Tools For Effective and Inclusive Workplaces© Workshop starts at $1,997 (plus travel and accommodations). Thatâs only $333 each for you and your team of 5 to be able to improve the productivity, improve the culture, and decrease the sick time utilized. Your business deserves to grow and your team deserves the best culture possible. I believe I can help cultivate that with you. To sign up your small business for the workshop pay here. And email me a screen shot of your receipt to be entered into the drawing for dope Move HappyÂź swag & a shoutout on stage.
Have a larger organization? No problem, email me the details requested and Iâll work with your organization to provide a meaningful experience for your team and a profitable experience for your bottom line.
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As always, when you purchase from Move HappyÂź: â â
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đ 30 percent goes back to mental health research of your choice or if you donât have one in mind, itâll automatically go to our partner and â â
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â„ïž 10 percent to your local Big Brothers and Big Sisters chapter and if you donât have a local chapter itâll go to your countriesâ chapter or one of your choiceâ â
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đ or you can select all 40 percent to go towards the Move Happy World Tour 1.0 Experienceâ © and any extra funds collected to cover the event will go directly to my non profit partner John W Brick Foundation. For this option, please email me your request so I can make sure the funds get allocated correctly.
#5 Essential: Know How Move HappyÂź Can Help Moms That Have Depression
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If youâre a mom or work with moms that have depression, Iâd love to give you a gift. â You can either download 1 free copy or purchase 1 copy for yourself. â Any more copies than that please email me for permission first as this is my business and you can help support mental illness research by purchasing aside from the free copy. â â
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I designed this journal for adult patients in a live in psychiatric hospital that helped me through the tough time of losing my father. â We journaled together on topics related to happiness and had 5-10 minute group discussions then we worked out together. â I’m not a licensed therapist however I did facilitate the group with my colleague who is a licensed therapist, had the program evaluated from staff before implementing (including psychiatrists, psychologists, recreational therapists, and occupational therapists), and ran it 3x with patients ideas to make it better and better and THEY told ME I NEEDED TO SHARE IT đ. I was NEVER going to start a business but here I am because enough of them kept repeating the encouragement and spread word around the hospital to the point of stranger patients walking up to me asking if I was the “Move Happy girl?”. I feel very confident this journal will be helpful to you or your network along with whatever is suggested by your treatment team.
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For a free copy of the journal sign up for my email list and itâll be given once you sign up here.â The rest of the emails are geared more towards mental health practitioners so if they donât apply to you, feel free to unsubscribe. â â
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However, if you ever think youâd be interested in information related to Move Happy YouthÂź future topics with Move Happy FamilyÂź , keep yourself on the list for updates đ. â â
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All that I ask if you do download the journal for free ($19 value) is that you share something you learned from it on social media with a few sentences to help spread the word. â â
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Every dollar that goes towards my business is given back to mental health organization of your choice by 30 percent and youth programs in your local chapter by 10 percent. â â
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So there you have it folks. Moms are all around us. Step moms, birth moms, friendly moms (like your best friends mom), and spiritual moms (like those who mentor you in your church or faith). They deal with emotional stress and strain just as much if not more than everyone else. I know my mom worked her tail off to pretend like she was okay on some really tough days to hold the family together. It’s perfectly okay to not be okay some days if you’re a mom or a woman in general. The world needs to have a greater appreciation and love for the woman in our lives. I know I am very grateful for the beautiful kind women I have learned from and the mean women too because they demonstrated to me how I do not want to be perceived in the world.
If you’re still reading this far, I’d love for you to join with me and let’s take action this week to say thank you to the women in our lives that have made a positive difference into the people we are today. Maybe its a teacher, parent, friends parent, loved one, etc. I’d love for you to snap me @TheMoveHappy a picture of you and your “Mom” figure and write a few words of what she means to you.
PS: Don’t forget to tell someone you love them today
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