What is compassion anyway? The dictionary defines it as “sympathetic pity and concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others.” Knowing that, how can having pity on someone else’s suffering be a benefit to you? That is what this blog is all about today. I’m providing you practical tips, strategies, and real life examples of using compassion to positively impact your mindset, your community building skills, your fitness, and quite possibly your finances as well. There is some adult content so parents please preview prior to sharing with minors.
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Fun Tip #1: Practicing Compassion Counteracts Aging!
Practicing regular compassion actually releases a hormonoe DHEA which helps counteract aging! Check out this article for anti-aging facts. I’d love for you to check it out and share your big takeaway! How are you planning to take action using compassion today? And in what area of your life specifically? Family? Business? Faith? Other? Please share!
My brother, Josh when he first graduated high school was working as a stock boy for a 3rd party connected to my dad’s job. He would drive to a lot of stores and face the products. Meaning, he’d bring any bread that was strewn about towards the front of the shelf to make it look presentable to customers. In between the stores he’d stop at this one light every day in Parkland, WA right near HW 512. There was a homeless man he’d give a 🍌 to daily….
One day my brother ran out of bananas 🍌 because that was the same time mom started working again and hadn’t gotten any bananas that week quite yet (Mom did all the grocery shopping for the family typically). My brother saw the same homeless man and only had a sandwich that day. He handed the guy his uneaten sandwich and the guy said, “thank you so much, and I’m super grateful, but where is the banana?” 🍌 🤣
I remember my brother sharing this story later to me and I thought it was so sweet my bro had compassion for the guy and the guy actually remembered my bro. My biggest takeaway was that even if you have little money you can make a big impact on someone’s life (my bro was scraping by building his musical skills and working full time at like $12/hr and still made for Mr. Homeless man, on the side of the road that most would ignore. Not only that, he would take action and hand him food that would help nourish him. I’ve never forgotten that.
Fun Tip #2: Empathy Practice Can Increase Your Compassion Muscles
Have you heard of empathy practice? ⠀
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Visualize a family member or friend in pain or injured. It may sound funny, but practicing what that feels like for you as if they really were hurt or injured can increase your compassion muscles. It also may translate into you spending more quality time with them.
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After a week or 2 with close family/friends, start practicing it on others and see how it makes you feel towards others. My mom would always have us practice, “putting ourselves in someone elses’ shoes”. This is similar. ⠀
In college I was dating a man who was not the most gentlemanly. I think looking back he was hurting from losing half of his team in a battle overseas. He unfortunately took advantage of my kindness and did some unspeakable things. I had to make a decision if I wanted to press charges and unfortunately the officer I spoke to said something that made me feel like the entire thing was my fault. He said, “you know if you press charges you’re ending his career. The choice is up to you.” Talk about pressure. In my heart I didn’t think what the officer said was right, and I also had practiced empathy for so long from my mom and dad’s training that I decided not to press charges but to have the officer have a long conversation with him to scare him into never hurting another woman again. I was planning to wait until marriage and he took it away. I couldn’t prove it because I was drugged and the drug had worn off by the time I had gone through the testing at a nearby hospital. It was all very stressful and I had withdrawn a lot from reality during this time. For me, it was a healthier decision to not press charges and try and forget this person was ever a part of my life. I had 1 counseling session at the college I attended and was feared away from returning because I had harmful thoughts and a friend told me I could get kicked out of college for sharing my thoughts. Instead of opening up, I decided to study really hard and focus on my manager role at the PLU Pool (aka stay busy). I got a 4.0 GPA that semester and worked about 25-30 hours at the pool at the same time. It didn’t heal me but it was a healthy distraction. (If you’re going through something similar, I am not saying do not press charges, for me in this situation it was the right thing to do).
The pain caused me to want to spend more time with those in my family and my close friendships so I intentionally started reaching out to my 1st cousins that lived close by like Melanie. Mel worked at Starbucks at the time and I brought her lunch one day by surprise. I was trying my best to heal my pain and also have fun things to look forward to. Another cousin I’d hang out with a lot is Hillary. She and I are like sisters. Her dad and my dad were brothers (Uncle Bill was the baby followed by my dad) so it made sense we’d click like sisters.
Later that summer I signed up for a mission trip to Mexico. I had never been to Mexico and the trip was only $500 to raise. I knew if I went it would get my mind off my own pain and give me some life long memories I could share with my children (should I ever be blessed with them).
It was an incredible 7 days spending time with woman and children at a battered women’s shelter. They went through incredible hells to be able to be in this save haven. Everyone in the camp had roles. They rotated responsibilities and everyone even children had their part. They were a beautiful strong community. I even learned more Spanish staying there a week than any App could provide (though I didn’t own a smart phone yet since this was around 2007).
I made life long friends with Rebekah and Michelle (pronounced “MeeShell”). They were 5 years old and ran up to me the first time I met them and gave me the biggest hugs 🤗. They desperately wanted to learn English (along with the other 20 I watched). They would point to things and say it in Spanish then say “English English.” It was a great time. I learned I wasn’t so good with building fences and using a hammer but I could keep the kids engaged and away from the tools 🛠 and preventing accidents from happening 🤣.
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Fun Tip # 3: Leaders Find Things In Common Which Increases Compassion Level and Builds Community
Leaders find things in common with others. A few years ago I interviewed with a regional sales manager. This was my 3rd round of interviews and by the time I met Richard, I felt like this company was taking their hiring process seriously. Richard was and still is in charge of multiple states for his company’s sales revenues.
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One thing I learned from him, was that he found common ground between the two of us. That automatically built trust between he and I and I started feeling safe to be open with him. The trust began when he asked about my dad. You see, Richard, did the same job a few decades prior that my dad did working for Oroweat (now bought out by Bimbo Bakeries) as a vendor/delivery sales rep. He asked me how long my dad did this job, and I told him from the time I was 11 years old he worked for this company until he passed away (3 years ago this coming October). At the time it was about 19 years.
Richard’s eyes widened and his mouth completely dropped 😯. “Your dad did this job for 19 years?!” – He said
“Yes. Is that a good thing?” – I responded
“Most people that do this job don’t last more than 2 years. 3 at the most. Heck I didn’t even make it more than 2 years until I became a manager. Your dad had incredible work ethic.” – Richard said
I laughed, “yeah I remember when he’d take us on Wednesdays (his day off) and we’d stock the shelves with him so he could keep his reputation and demonstrate how serious he was about his job. You see that was the same time he was diagnosed with cancer the first time. I didn’t know it at the time but he was so new at the company they could have let him go because he was a financial liability having worked there less than 6 months. Instead of firing him, the company created bank account in his honor a few months prior after his kidney removal surgery where his co-workers could donate to help keep us from losing our house and cover any medical expenses not covered by insurance. Dad felt obligated to pay the company back for what they did for our family. He had an incredible work ethic and he also was an incredibly grateful person.”⠀
Richard tells me, “I wish I could have met your dad. He sounds like an incredible person. Now tell me about this world 🌎 tour and your Move Happy Mission.”
I responded, “I am passionate about people with depression. I believe I have found a way to move them away from depression towards their own happiness by providing practical strategies in mindset, community and fitness. I plan to speak internationally and have Move Happy® Coaches all over the world helping their local community members feeling included.
Everyone has gifts they bring to the table. My gift is making people feel loved and included. I see the good in people regardless of how their behavior is initially. I see their skills and their potential even when they can’t see it. I am not afraid to tell them what I see and this has encouraged people to take action when they might not have ever had the idea to. My mission is to prevent suicides from even being a thing because we’ll nip it in the bud before it gets that serious.”
Richard responded, “Erin thank you for sharing this with me. How did you decide on depression? Is it something you struggle with or your father struggled with?”
I said, “Yes I struggle with depression and have since I was 14 and I’ve never let it prevent me from doing incredible things. I was diagnosed at 14 years old and as a family we decided that exercise and talk therapy would help me and after therapy was done [3 weekly sessions was what insurance would cover) I journaled and spent a lot of time in my church youth group hanging out with friends my age]. My father never said the words that he was depressed and I think men socially are not encouraged to talk about their feelings. I could tell though working 12-14 hour days in a physically laborious job exhausted him. He’d have from 3-7p every day M-Tu-Thu-Fri-Sat available for time. He had Sundays and Wednesdays off but he was so exhausted from his job he didn’t have much time or energy for us….”
“Yet he’d take a nap on days we had concerts so he could attend our events past his bed time. He did the best he could with the situation he felt he could control. We lived in the same house and had enough with him mainly being the sole income earner until I turned 14 and mom started to substitute.
Dad passed away in 7 weeks from the cancer that supposedly had been removed when I was 11. It laid dormant for 19 years and when it was time for him to go, he passed away less than 2 months from discovery.
I believe maybe if he would have had more outlets to talk about his depression and maybe if his work environment (sales) wasn’t surrounded by sweets and cigarettes and high stress, maybe he would have lived longer. No one has all the answer to it. But this movement is in honor of my dad so families can learn from my story and choose to spend more quality time together.”
Richard said, “Erin thank you for sharing this with me. I want you to know that no matter how long you stay with us here, I believe in my heart you need to keep going with this dream and your tour. My two brothers in the last few years have passed away to suicide and what you have to say matters.”
Wow you never know what someone is going through. This man was so cheery and kind towards everyone in the office and knew everyone’s names. That is an example of who I want to be like when Move Happy® expands to start hiring people. You do have to keep moving forward when tragedy hits and it’s the way you choose to spend your time with the people you interact with on a daily basis that makes the difference in how people respond to you.
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I encourage you to find things in common with someone you’d like to build a relationship with whether it is for business purposes, romance, faith, or fun.
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Fun Tip #4: Practicing Detachment Can Separate Emotion From The Situation
What is detachment? If someone has wronged you, its an objective way to separate the event from the person. It can help to remove emotions like anger from the situation. It can also help to bring clarity to you on the situation and reflect that that one bad event occurred as one moment, not entirely labeling that person as bad forever. ⠀
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It can help in work places that perhaps you don’t have control over hiring and firing. It can help you in romantic relationships to not hold grudges or build up emotional ammo to fight with down the road. ⠀
For example, the guy I dated in college, I practiced detachment on. I chose to not press charges and to have a look at the entire situation. He was dealing with loss. He had 10 guys on his team and came back with 5. Hurting people, sometimes hurt people. Instead of hurting him back, I decided to have the officer have a conversation with him and let go for myself. I also decided to separate myself from that relationship because it wasn’t in alignment with my values as a person. It doesn’t mean I hated his guts. I chose to love him from a distance like Jesus would. Don’t worry I won’t get to preachy on your because I’m no Bible expert. I recognize I am not perfect and there were things in that situation that I learned from.
Fun Tip #5: Learning is one thing, but action is SO much more impactful if you want to expand your compassion capacity
Today I want you to reflect on the people you met today, this week or even this month. How did you treat them? What would you keep doing tomorrow? What would you maybe tweak a thing or two on? ⠀
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For me, I got a little butt hurt at work on a small time clock issue my first week on the new day job. I wasn’t fully trusting in people yet because unfortunately being burned in the past and instead of talking to the gal directly, I messaged one of the HR reps through google chat about my time sheet. She said there was nothing she could do to change it and instead of owning up to clocking in late 1x I reminded her of my colleague coming in late the last day of the week and that was the reason for the time clock issue. #DUMBMOVE. This of course was a bad idea because they didn’t trust me either and its like taddling in elementary. So I decided to own up to how I acted and have a conversation with her. I wrote a letter to her about it focusing on all things she does well at work to praise her and apologize for my behavior. How she responds is none of my business. I feel in my gut it’s the right thing to do.
As Move Happy® expands and I have employees and locations and coaches from all over the world 🌎 joining my team, I will always lead by example. Companies rise and fall from the leadership. If they recognize I am not perfect first, but that I want to make things right, I believe that will help keep people giving their best and also weed out those that aren’t in true alignment with my company values.
How Can You Join The Move Happy® Movement?
I am looking to expand my reach and speak at corporate events as a keynote for a national or international conference by the end of 2019. I also am available to speak to your teams about building strong communities. My time is very limited as I am working a full time job while expanding my Move Happy® business. I have space for 1-2 live events from now until end of summer (depending on travel and accommodations). If you’re interested in hiring me for a one-time speaking engagement please note that in your email here subject heading “Move Happy® Speaker Interest”. The first to respond and schedule a serious consultation will get some swag from my new branding (limited to 2 serious inquiries).
If you’d like to do a more long-term consultation with your leadership teams, please also note that as I have 1 space available until end of May. This looks more like digital-livestream trainings and interactive group settings for a minimum of 4-months. Schedule your complimentary consultation here to find out if we’re a good match. First to be selected will receive swag for you and up to 10 team members in your company.
I hope I’ve added value to you today. I’d love to hear your thoughts, comments, questions either on the blog directly below or whichever social media platform you found me on. If you’re not currently following my channel please do so. I’m on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, Snapchat @TheMoveHappy (mobile only), LinkedIn, have a new podcast show also available for now on PodBean and an email newsletter with a free digital download of the original Move Happy Participant Journal© for signing up (currently being worked on by my tech support – Nick can let you know when it is up and running).
I post daily on all social media platforms releasing 1-minute content focused on weekly topics M-F. Saturdays I release my weekly blog and now Sunday afternoon/evenings I release my weekly podcast. The only thing I have hired out so far has been my website migration and hosting and some help with my organic/ads growth on my Instagram. Eventually I plan to hire out some of these responsibilities to provide me more time for speaking events and my international tour beginning in the summer of 2020. If there is a strong enough interest and request I may release more podcasts than 1x/week but for now with working a full-time job that’s what I am choosing to do with my available time to still allow for some fun 💃.
If you’re loving what you’re hearing I’d be honored if you’d tag a friend or 5 and share this with people you care about.
PS: Don’t forget to tell someone you 💕 them today…
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